Creating the Path to Wellness

Reasons For Recovery

2012-02-09T18:28:00.000-08:00

I’m collaborating with other writers in a blog series for the month of February. The theme is: Reasons For Recovery. Anne-Sophie Reinhardt at Fighting Anorexia asked several of us advocates to blog about the topic. I'll be sharing mine on Feb 24th. In the meantime I'm trying to post all of the other blog posts on Reasons For Recovery.

Matt Wetsel blogs on ...Until Eating Disorders Are No More https://arenomore.wordpress.com/

Matt's Reasons For Recovery:

Today it’s my turn to talk about reasons for recovery! In case you didn’t know, I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the entire month of February. The theme is simple enough: reasons to recover. Special shout-out to Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia for starting the conversation that turned into this little project and for doing most of the organizing.

Beyond the guilt, shame, and self-hatred of any eating disorder is a person who is entirely capable and worthy of giving and receiving love, and fully capable of recovery. The eating disorder tries to convince you otherwise, and will do anything it can to stick around. It poses as your best friend, but in truth, it wants to kill you. In fact, eating disorders result in more deaths than any other mental health condition due to the physical effects they have on the body. Usually when someone enters recovery, there are a myriad of excuses, barriers, and reasons (some real, some exaggerated, some fabricated) which stand in their way. Let’s say someone had to go into a sixty day inpatient treatment program, how do you think that someone would react to such news? Most people do not respond with enthusiasm.

Whatever things came to mind about taking sixty days off of life to go inpatient, they’re probably many of the same things that others would think and say. Maybe it’s just working a support group into the schedule or going to therapy. What I have heard the most from others who are struggling in recovery is “I can’t” followed by a long list of obligations other than recovery. Things like work, school, or relationships are often at the top of the list. None of these reasons, though, address the most important factor:

An eating disorder left untreated has the potential to kill you.

You cannot work a job, go to school, pursue a career, or have friendships or relationships if you are dead. No amount of excuses or barriers changes this fact. When treatment is being considered and I hear someone say, “I can’t!” I want to shout back “Not only can you but you have to!” Setting aside barriers and excuses, recovery comes down to a simple choice: life or death. I don’t know anyone who can honestly say that their eating disorder has ever brought them happiness. If you are reading this and currently suffering from an eating disorder, ask yourself – how does your eating disorder make you feel? Does it bring you legitimate happiness? On the contrary, the responses I’ve gotten from others are that it has brought them nothing but misery and often has ruined their life. My experience was no different. So, when considering the pros and cons of recovery, it’s a matter of choosing between continuing to be miserable and possibly die, or to have a chance at being happy and living.

That was the turning point for me, anyway. The push to do all the work necessary to recover was that anorexia was turning me into the kind of person I didn’t want to be. I was hurting friendships and relationships with excuses and lies. My grades were falling. So much of my time and energy was devoted to losing weight that I didn’t have much time for anything else, and all I had to show for it was a sunken face and an aching pain in the muscles around my heart. The choice to recover was the choice to start living my life again, for me.

While the choice may be easy, however, carrying it out can be much harder. Once again, we encounter, “I can’t!” Early in recovery, it feels impossible to eat normally without giving into whatever disordered eating behavior one has been engaging in. No matter how difficult something may seem, though, it’s neverimpossible. That word is reserved for truly unachievable things. For example, I feel comfortable saying that it’s impossible for me to fly under my own power – I’m not a superhero. By comparison, eating three meals a day without purging them doesn’t seem quite so difficult.

A lot of people with eating disorders struggle with negative self-talk. I think this is one of the most important things one can do: to counter it with a correction and remind oneself of what’s true. The eating disorder makes you say, “I can’t do this! It’s impossible!” but we count that with, “I’m having trouble doing this. It’s very hard for me, but it is not impossible.”

It’s almost like learning to speak a new language – the language of recovery. The eating disorder inserts its own voice into your mind and thoughts, masquerading them as one’s own. It has a very limited vocabulary, consisting of words and phrases to make one feel bad about themselves. You could almost say we get tricked into speaking this language, engaging in negative self-talk and focusing on arbitrary numbers like weight or caloric information instead of how we feel. The language of recovery, though, has no room for self-deprecation, negative self-talk, or the futile effort of measuring self-worth with a scale.

And it’s a language completely worth learning! I consistently find myself applying the things I learned in recovery to other parts of my life. The way I relate to people, the way I respond when others act unskillfully and feelings get hurt, and in my ability to challenge myself to do things while recognizing my own limitations.

It’s never too early to start recovery. Life is too short to spend another day, hour, or minute at war with your body, risking your health and possibly your life.

Reasons For Recovery

2012-02-09T18:19:00.000-08:00

I’m collaborating with some other writers in a blog series for the month of February. The theme is: Reasons For Recovery. Anne-Sophie over at Fighting Anorexia asked several of us advocates to blog about the topic. I'll be sharing mine on Feb 24th. In the meantime I'm trying to post all of the other blog posts on Reasons For Recovery.

The first is from Abby Cooper who blogs at "A Piece of Me"

February 1, 2012

Something You Get When You Recover From Your Eating Disorder That You Didn’t Even Know You Wanted

Feelings.
When I was early in my recovery, feeling my own feelings wasn’t easy-or even desirable. I had internalized a false message that my natural sensitivities made me weak, and therefore they were less worthy. I felt like who I was was not acceptable. Because of beliefs like these, my eating disorder had developed to an intensity that I was no longer receptive to the world like I had been before.
I had gotten to the point in my disorder that before I even could recognize a specific emotion, I had an urge to use my eating disorder behaviors. I didn’t think I was emotional anymore. Those ED urges replaced “excited,” “sad,” “longing,” “desire,” “comfort” and left me with only my eating disorder. The eating disorder felt preferable-it felt less painful. I was less of a mess, less sappy, less all over the place. Of course my life was a big mess in a whole different way, but: I was more numb. It felt easier.
I never intended to numb myself out to my entire life, however. Recognizing, feeling, and valuing your feelings is both a necessary step in recovery and a wonderful part of living. One thing I’ve learned to appreciate in recovery, that I would have never appreciated if I had never had an eating disorder is this:
You can’t feel the best feelings without allowing yourself to feel and tolerate the most painful and uncomfortable ones.
Yes, it’s true that the eating disorder behaviors cushion the intensity of the feelings you don’t want. But they also mute the ones you do. It strips you of your vitality and humanity. You can’t pick which ones you can experience fully. So you have to let go and let them all in. This seems scary to someone with an eating disorder. But the way to do it is to ease in: notice, allow, don’t judge. You’ll notice the more obvious feelings first, and the more practice you get, the finer ones will slip through. It becomes a game of sorts-“I don’t know what I’m feeling” turns into “I’m sleepy!” or “I’m hungry!” or “I’m hyper!” or “I’m lonely” or “I need to create something.” You get better at feeling.
And it’s awesome.
Yesterday, I woke up lonely. I felt a bit mopey and not interested in any of my usual solitary activities, like reading or drawing or goofing around on my piano. I felt sad. And I didn’t do anything to STOP that feeling. I allowed myself to feel sad. I called my brother, we talked about it, and then we joked around a bit. The feeling didn’t stop me from having a nice moment with him. Then, around mid afternoon, a friend called and invited me over. ELATED! was the next feeling I felt. I felt it just as much as I had felt lonely. I decided to get outside before I went over to her house to boost my mood, and move around a bit. I really FELT the sunshine and the brisk air, and I really FELT my body move as I got some movement in. When I drove to my friend’s house, I played music, and really FELT that music, and let it put me in a better mood. And when I arrived at my friend’s house, we had an awesome time just hanging out. I drove home that night feeling connected, loved, grateful, and warm.
I got all of those things in one day. And it was perfect.
I could have never had that day if I still used my eating disorder.
So, am I sensitive?
Yes.
Do I feel a lot of things?
Yes.
More so than other people?
Probably.
Is that weakness?
No.
It’s strength, because I know what I had to work through to be able to get here and accept and embrace this part of myself. Those feelings allow me to be in relationship and connect to life.
Not only is connectivity to your feelings possibly the biggest reason to recover, it’s one of the biggest and best reasons to be alive.

fightinganorexia.com

Love the Life You Lead

2012-01-31T15:59:00.000-08:00

Coach Melinda Abrams asked me to be a part of the Love the Life You Lead 2012 blog series.

You can find the Facebook page at Love The Life You Lead Facebook Page

14 Days. 11 Expert Coaches. Loving the life you lead.

Becky Henry/ Theme: Forgiveness

Question: How do I forgive myself for not being able to help my daughter recover from an eating disorder? What is the VALUE in forgiving myself?

Forgiveness is an act of love—towards ourselves. While it may seem a selfish endeavor it is actually a generous gift, to our own life, peace, joy, happiness and those around us. There is great value in spending the time asking powerful questions, asking for help, admitting we felt powerless, and taking the steps to learn how to forgive.

Loving someone who is seriously ill and not being able to "save" or "fix" them can lead to a host of negative emotions. It can lead us to become a lifetime "victim" who no longer loves life and embraces fun.

Seeing that we don't have that kind of power can actually be freeing and can give us the wings we need to fly away from the burden of being a victim. Then and only then, we can live a joyful live despite our history.

Becky Henry

Founder and President, Hope Network, LLC

Jessica Setnick Blog Interview

2012-01-22T20:01:00.000-08:00

This is the second in my blog interview series. This time it is Jessica Setnick, MS, RD/LD, CSSD who was a guest professional on one of our tele-classes in November.

Jessica Setnick Blog Interview
Your website, http://www.understandingnutrition.com/ shows your passion for helping folks with eating disorders. Where does this passion come from?

It is a combination of wanting to help others and wanting to understand the human condition in some way that would help me understand myself. I learn so much from my patients, and the continuing education that I have pursued has been as applicable to myself as it is to my work. The other aspect is that I feel that I have been given a gift, a gift that I may not have identified on my own, but that the incidents of my life brought to my attention. I am grateful to have found the intersection of what I like to do, that I am good at, that helps people, that I can do for a living. It is my mission and I wouldn’t feel complete if I didn’t act on it. Over time my mission has evolved into helping other professionals to help solve eating disorders, and most recently into helping build a treatment center, Ranch 2300, to do the same.

What is your philosophy on effective eating disorders treatment?

Ah, my philosophy. My philosophy on effective treatment starts with my philosophy on eating disorders themselves. I believe that the nomenclature we use for eating disorders stinks. I think it was developed to facilitate research and description but it does not describe the human experience. So we are not treating individuals with eating disorders as well as we could be because the research is based on artificial distinctions. Anyone who is familiar with the field realizes that two people with “anorexia” might have very different situations – different causes, different skill deficits, different needs – but yet we continue to look for the one “best” treatment. There might be two people whose eating disorders look very different, but they have a lot in common. The treatment must be individualized to what each person needs. But I think that if we did a better job of describing eating disorders, such as “Depression-related eating disorders” and “Anxiety Spectrum Eating Disorders” and “Post-traumatic eating disorders” instead of the way we do now, we could also do a better job of recommending treatments rather than the trial-and-error approach.

The most important factor in treatment that lasts is recovery protection, ie the systems and skills that someone needs in order to thrive outside of a treatment setting. That has been the most fun part of designing Ranch 2300 – thinking of all the skills that someone needs to “make it” in recovery, and figuring out ways to teach those skills in the safe environment of treatment.

What is your opinion on full recovery?

I prefer to use the word “remission,” since it seems to fit the paradigm of eating disorders better than recovery. I feel recovery can begin the very day someone realizes their eating disorder is killing them and they want to change, but that is no guarantee of a change in the parameters we tend to measure. On the other hand, an individual may be weight-restored and seem to be “in recovery” while internally they are not recovered at all.

Remission indicates that while bodies heal faster than minds, both the body and mind have recovered to the point that eating disorders stay in the thought stage only and do not transmit into behaviors that are problematic. In other words, I believe that I am in remission because when I have eating disorder thoughts, I am able to manage them before they lead to behaviors, and on occasion under extreme duress when I have an eating disorder behavior, it is no more severe nor lasting than the average American. It does not lead to guilt or shame, or a repetitive cycle, and I use it as a clue that life is not in balance and a cue to re-evaluate my situation.

My opinion on Remission is that it takes up to 7 years of compliance with treatment from the day an individual with an eating disorder enters treatment to advance to the stage of Remission, where the eating disorder is genuinely and for all practical purposes “in the past.”
How have people used your boot camp to treat their eating disorder?

Well I did not intend it for that purpose, it is a training program for professionals treating eating disorders. But after some of the workshops, professionals who attended would come forward and tell me that after attending the weekend they recognized their own eating disorder, or recognized that it was no longer congruent with their lives, and they asked me to help them find treatment in their area.
What do you tell people who care about someone with an eating disorder to say to encourage their loved one to seek treatment?

I care about you is a good start. I care about you and I would like to help you find treatment is even better. I care about you and I have made an appointment with a counselor to talk about how hard it is to watch someone I love hurt themself is the best way of all. Because then you are not only expressing yourself, expressing how deeply this is important to you, and how you are willing to stick by this person “in sickness and in health,” but you are also role-modeling self-care and reaching out for help, two things that everyone with an eating disorder needs to see more of.

Women over 50 and body image

2012-01-18T18:12:00.000-08:00

Given that I am a proponent of the Health At Every Size (HAES)- size acceptance model, I was intrigued when I spoke with Thea Sheldon about women over 50 and their long and too often rugged relationships with their bodies. I had recently written an article about women over 50 with eating disorders and we got talking about her work in helping women be happy with their bodies. Wow, someone who cares about women over 50 and how we feel about these bodies that look so different from when we were younger! I decided to do a blog interview with her to share her wisdom with you.

Thea started noticing when walking up a few stairs to her office she would be out of breath by the top. All of her medical tests were fine. Instead of prescribing fun movement or activity her doctor said she needed to lose about 30 pounds. Thea hadn’t heard of HAES but she knew she wanted to be less winded and be able to do more fun physical activities—regardless of her size.

Thea began focusing not on dieting but on her health and reclaiming what brought her joy. In the process of adding fun movement Thea’s body did shed some weight. More importantly she gained peace with her body as well as newfound fun and freedom in her life. As a coach she developed programs helping other women to find the peace with their bodies that she had found.

Regular readers of my blog know that I do not promote losing weight – only gaining health. Some people when they start making different health choices will gain weight, some will lose and some will stay the same. Even though Thea has the words, “weight loss” in her materials I am sharing what she does because I see her helping women to “create a long-term, sustainable change in your relationship with your body.” And when we love ourselves and our bodies that is when we can regain health. I hope my HAES colleagues and fellow eating disorders advocates understand that she is using those words in her marketing because that is what women initially think they want. Thea helps them find something so much better.

Here is my interview with Thea:

What shifted recently in how you treat your body?

Now I am better with boundaries in relationships with people and in my relationship with food. I am able to draw boundaries with food and ask for what I really want, both in planning a menu and making choices in a restaurant.

What has given you the ability to set these boundaries with food?

Knowing much more clearly what I want. Health! I want Radiant Vibrant Health. I’m responsible for what I put into my body and there is a real correlation between that, and how I feel, and my health numbers. It was making a commitment to my health. Realizing I have a choice.
I developed habits via steps. Gradually I started making better choices. Trying to be perfect is no longer necessary. Now I feel much better and that keeps me motivated to keep making choices that are good for my body.
I was totally open to the idea of experimenting. I know there isn’t one RIGHT way for every woman. I became intimately familiar with my own body. I observe and respect what feels good and what doesn’t for my body.

As a result of these changes, what is now present in your life that wasn’t there?

For 18 months now I've been doing all kinds of fun activities I hadn’t been able to do so easily before. Now I can flow into yoga positions I just couldn’t do because of the bulk on my body.

Thanks to my newfound body respect and awareness I recently participated in a community modern dance performance, even though I’m not a trained dancer. I had confidence that I could learn the moves. I wasn’t concerned about how my body looked on stage. I didn’t compare myself to others. I had so much fun! I never would have done this before I started taking charge of my body.

Now when we go on extended canoe trips I am able to carry my food pack across the portages easily. I don’t have to stop every few yards and rest. Cross- country skiing is so much more fun. I can get up some speed and feel more fluid and graceful skiing. It’s easier to get in and out of the car. On a practical note, I can easily carry my groceries. I don’t feel weighted down. I am much more flexible.

What is no longer present?

When I am walking down the street, I no longer sneak little peeks in the window reflections to see how “fat” I am. Now if I see my reflection it is no longer negative. I smile and say, “Wow you look great!”

How have you changed the way you respect your body?

Now, more than ninety per cent of the time I don’t criticize my body and am genuinely grateful for my body. I notice I am gentle and soft even when washing my body – not critical but appreciating my strong arms for example. This is a huge change. Previously I was unkind and really abusive to my body – scrubbing it hard and not in a kind way. Now I love this body! Accepting the changes of aging makes life so much easier.

My language has changed. I no longer say, “I shouldn’t eat that.” Now I will consciously ask myself, “Hum, do I want to eat that? Am I hungry for that? Is this going to taste as good as it looks?”

What have you created in your business as a result?

Over the phone I offer Body Breakthrough: Wise Weight Loss, Management and Momentum. Locally in Ely, Minnesota my co-leader Kathy Cyriacks and I offer Choose to Lose, a support group for women. Both programs emphasize making lifelong changes in your relationship with food, your health and your body. I tell women, “You will come to appreciate and love your body for the amazing gift it is.”

Thank you Thea for doing this Blog Interview with me.

Thea Sheldon can be found at True Voice Coaching of Ely, MN http://www.theasheldon.com/body-breakthrough.html

Eating Disorders and the Holidays Guest Post on Pathways to Wholeness

2011-12-22T10:49:00.000-08:00

Happy Winter's Solistice to you!

Janet Nestor, MA, LPC, DCEP of Mindful Pathways asked me to be her guest blogger for December. This is the blog post I shared on her site: http://mindfulpathways.com/ Her book is on special for the holidays for only $5.64!!

Back to wrapping gifts for me. Thanks for your comments and readership.

Eating Disorders and the Holidays

Posted on December 19, 2011 by Janet

We are so lucky to have the opporutinity to welcome Becky Henry as our guest blogger. She is the Author of Just Tell Her to Stop, an award winning book for families who care for an member with an eating disorder. She is the founder of Hope Network a wonderful support sommunity. I recommend her book to clients with eating disorders and also to their family members as it is the only book of its kind on the market.
Families living with an eating disorder can find the holidays extra challenging with all the focus on food. There are so many different stresses and foods that can be frightening for people facing eating disorders.
Two years ago I got to have a conversation with Peter McClellan on his radio show 401k Latte about eating disorders at the holidays. We talked about the huge spreads of food that can be overwhelming and stress inducing. Take a listen: http://www.kkmslive.com/MP3/PM_12_23_09.mp3
Peter asked some great questions to open up the conversation about how both parents and health care providers can support someone with an eating disorder. A few things we talked about were:

As family member; put on your oxygen mask first-make a Top Ten list and do 1 self-care/fun thing each day.
Family members can help by: Learning to let go with love (easier said than done).
Don’t make comments about other people’s bodies.
Low fat – Low Calorie diets backfire – they don’t work – 95% failure rate.
Language from health care providers is important – telling patients to lose weight not only doesn’t help – it hurts.
Health care providers can ask open ended questions about what a patient’s health care goals are can enroll the patient in the process of making healthy choices.
The book: Just Tell Her to Stop can be ordered at: JustTellHerToStop.com
Weight-ism is alive and well –notice our judgments about sizes.
People can be healthy at many different sizes.
Focus on overall health to achieve your health goals.
Insurance and eating disorders coverage – Academy for Eating Disorders works for mental health parity.
College professors can add the book to their curriculum as required reading.
Companies are invited to purchase the books to donate to eating disorders treatment centers.

What have you heard from your health care provider that has backfired for you? What comments have you found helpful while recovering from an eating disorder?
I hope you will focus on what you are grateful for this holiday season and have peace.
Hope Network:
http://www.hopenetwork.info/index.html
http://www.facebook.com/HopeNetworkBeck#!/hopenetwork.llc

What is "drunkorexia" all about?

2011-11-28T11:50:00.000-08:00

When I was doing interviews for my book, Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders I heard an amazing story about a young woman with co-morbid eating disorders and alcoholism. That is fancy lingo meaning she had both an eating disorder and alcoholism. I chose not to use the story in the book because there was a lot of media attention about the outcome and legal proceedings. I interviewed the former housemate of a college student who regularly skipped eating and drank instead. Every day the young woman got so drunk that the housemates had to protect her from males who wanted to take advantage of her. On what happened to be her 21st birthday this pattern caught up with her and she died as a direct result of what was being done to her body. If a 2nd book happens I will write the whole story because it is so important to share the dangers of this combination that has come to be termed: Drunkorexia. I'd like to share a blog post from the blog at www.onlinecollege.org addressing this dangerous phenomenon. Please share your reactions in the comments section.

What Drunkorexia is Doing to College Students

At first, "drunkorexia" may sound like kind of a funny word, jokingly made up to describe a situation in which college students and others forgo food in order to be able to afford more alcohol and feel higher effects of alcohol on an empty stomach. But what some may brush off as crazy college-kid behavior is actually a serious problem that can have highly damaging consequences both in long- and short-term health. Of course, that hasn't stopped college students from engaging in this unhealthy trend, and a study at the University of Missouri-Columbia indicated that one in six students had practiced drunkorexia within the last year. Typically, drunkorexia is done by women; the study showed that three out of four drunkorexia respondents were female.
Students may not realize that drunkorexia is incredibly damaging to their health, but the fact remains that the practice puts them at risk for problems like sexually transmitted diseases, malnutrition, and even seizures and comas. Specifically, the University of Missouri study indicates that drunkorexia may lead to:

sexually transmitted diseases
HIV
drunk driving
alcohol poisoning
injury risk
perpetrating or being a victim of sexual assault
passing out
malnutrition
heart problems
cognitive disabilities
seizure
comas
organ failure

All of the possible effects are disturbing, but perhaps the most worrisome are heart problems and cognitive disabilities that can stem from drunkorexia-induced malnutrition. STDs, injury, or sexual assault are without a doubt difficult to bounce back from, but malnutrition-induced heart problems and cognitive disabilities are something you just can't take back. Cognitive problems are especially disturbing for college students, as they can result in "difficulty concentrating, studying, and making decisions." These are long-term health issues brought on by drunkorexia that can follow a college student for the rest of her life. That is, assuming that the student survives past the possibility of seizures, comas, and organ failure.
So it seems that a practice that may be approached lightheartedly is in fact a very serious problem that doesn't just stop with fun (and possible weight loss) one night. Used as a regular practice, drunkorexia can scar you for life and even end in death. And although the long-term effects are certainly frightening, the short-term possibilities of drunkorexia aren't incredibly easy hurdles to get over, either. Just one night of drunkorexia can have serious consequences, with higher levels of intoxication and starvation putting students at risk for dangerous behavior. At high levels of intoxication, students lose the ability to make good decisions, which can lead to dangerous situations like having unprotected sex, or even being involved in a rape, driving drunk, and becoming injured as a result of stunts, fights, or simply an inability to function properly. In addition to these risks, just one night of intense drinking on an empty stomach can lead to blackouts, hospitalization, and death from alcohol poisoning. Clearly, drunkorexia has serious and lasting consequences, even for students who aren't repeat offenders.

Drunkorexia is a scary situation for any college student, but for women, the problem is compounded. Female students are not only more prone to engage in drunkorexia, but they are also at a higher risk of problems from its effects. Dr. Valerie Taylor, chief of psychiatry at Women's College Hospital in Toronto indicates that female college students are more likely to engage in drunkorexia due to social pressure to stay slim. Even worse, female students are more likely to experience higher effects (meaning: reach alcohol poisoning and organ damage faster) because women metabolize alcohol faster than men. These facts combined with a higher risk of sexual assault mean that girls in college are hit with an even scarier drunkorexia situation.
How did things get so bad? It's one thing to have an eating disorder, and another to have a substance abuse problem, but combined, they're an incredible problem to overcome. Dr. Bunnell, former president of the National Eating Disorders Association, says that college students often suffer from an obsession with being skinny, while at the same time noticing the social acceptance of alcohol and drug abuse. In a world where celebrities checking into rehab is a regular practice and can even be "downright chic," it's not hard to understand why college students, especially female students, might think that drunkorexia is OK. But on top of social pressures, psychologists share that eating disorders may also be rooted in deep emotional pain. Alcohol, binging, and purging can provide an outlet for mental anguish, including childhood traumas like sexual abuse and neglect.
Such deep problems don't often come with an easy cure, and in some cases, require hospitalization and rehab. Judy Van De Veen suffered from eating disorders for years, and also took up drinking in later years. Things got so bad, she had to join a 12-step program and spent two years in and out of rehab, which cost her $25,000 out of her own pocket. None of them helped, but after becoming pregnant and joining support groups to address her daughter's caloric needs, she found an "excuse to eat" and be happy about it. Although Van De Veen's case is an extreme one, it offers a cautionary tale for students who are engaging in drunkorexia. Without help, things can go too far, resulting in a problem that can haunt you for decades, cost thousands of dollars, and even put your future family at risk.
We hope it's clear by now that drunkorexia is not harmless and is actually quite dangerous to the lives and long-term health of college students. So what can you do to avoid it and stop the practice on campus? FastWeb points out that college is a great place to simply ask for help. There are resources on every college campus to deal with not only alcohol abuse, but also eating disorders. College counselors are there to help, and your student fees have already paid for the visits. If you or a friend are suffering from drunkorexia, don't hesitate to speak up and get help while you still can. Be supportive with friends who may have a drunkorexia problem, offering positive reinforcement as well as fun alternatives to drinking, like movies and going out to dinner. It's also a good idea to set a good example by making responsible decisions with alcohol or avoiding it completely.

November 21st, 2011 written by Site Administrator

What does it mean to live in a nation where one out of every three people is obese?

2011-11-07T08:57:00.000-08:00

My response to this NPR query:
"My brief response to this question:
What does it mean to live in a nation where one out of every three people is obese?

It means that daily there are millions of people who are being subjected to bullying and harassment due to the stigma of obesity. Due to lack of awareness it has now become acceptable to discriminate against an entire group of people. This reminds me of when educated people thought it was perfectly acceptable to discriminate against people of color.

Another piece that is not understood is that there are healthy obese people and unhealthy thin people. Yes, this is true. Regan Chastain of www.danceswithfat.org says it so well: "The idea of "healthy weight" is a dangerous one. Health is multi-dimensional and includes past and current behaviors, genetics, environment, stress and access. There is no weight that someone can achieve that will make them healthy. If we want to have a real discussion about health, especially when dealing with the sensitive subject of eating disorders, we need to take weight out of the discussion completely and talk about health."

When we look at what the Health At Every Size community has learned it just does not make sense to make weight the goal in having good health but instead aim for creating health and let the weight land where it may. This took me a long time to understand but as I have read the work of many dedicated researchers I understand it now. This takes compassion and not shaming fat people.

My biggest beef with this is that we have a worldwide epidemic of eating disorders and this anti-obesity war is only making that worse. People with eating disorders have so much body shame and dysmorphia already and hearing this constant message that "FAT IS BAD" only adds fuel to the eating disorder.

The bottom line is that living in a nation where one out of every three people is obese means we must have compassion, work hard to find answers and learn from people who are actually helping people living with obesity. We do have answers and bullying, shaming and war are not the answer. "

No More Stigma Around Eating Disorders

2011-10-25T10:36:00.000-07:00

This is my dream - that one day people will freely talk about eating disorders as we NOW freely speak about breast cancer or autism. There was a time (not very long ago) that people didn't say the words, "breast cancer" because it was embarrassing. Parents were shamed for having a child with autism - so they hid it. These families have broken the silence and we have all seen how powerful it has been.

Every where we look we see pink as companies and organizations support the fight against breast cancer. Big NFL players sporting pink towels, gloves, shoes, etc. A bridge in Australia all lit up in pink.

It has been a long time coming and now, thanks to the F.E.A.S.T. organization, the families of those with eating disorders and the professionals who support us are coming out and speaking up!

I shared my thoughts on the F.E.A.S.T. Symposium website http://www.feast-ed.org/Alexandria2011.aspx
“For me this symposium is the historic moment in which the trumpets blare and the world gets to know more about these complex life threatening illnesses. For years I have been looking forward to the moment when we as advocates can launch the awareness campaign that will make eating disorders a household word. Families of those with breast cancer and autism for example, have done an impressive job of creating world wide awareness as well as raising funds for those illnesses. This time has come. I hope you’ll join us and attend this historic event.”

My dream is coming true. We are being given not only permission but it is being requested of us to speak up and speak out about these most deadly of all mental illnesses.

I'll be there and hope you will join us! I will have the privilege of moderating a Q and A with Dr. James Lock of Stanford University.

Eating Disorders and Older Women

2011-09-14T11:09:00.000-07:00

This article will appear on the Aging But Dangerous website shortly. I wanted to share it with you here first. Becky

Eating Disorders Consuming Older Women

Many of us, including health professionals think of an emaciated young girl with anorexia when we hear of an eating disorder. First of all, anorexia is the least common of all eating disorders. These deadly illnesses exist on a spectrum from anorexia (AN) and bulimia (BN) to Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (EDNOS) which includes Binge Eating Disorder (BED).

I found out the hard way (when it took two years to get my daughter diagnosed) that health professionals often aren’t taught that people with eating disorders come in all shapes, sizes, colors, genders, nationalities, socioeconomic backgrounds and AGES.

Not all skinny people have eating disorders.

Not all fat people have eating disorders.

Some “normal” size people have eating disorders.

It is common for women over age 50 to feel dissatisfied with their bodies and report feeling “fat” to the point it is now “normal” to dislike our bodies. An example is from a friend of mine who developed terminal cancer and began shrinking. Once she had reached a much smaller size she told me one good thing about cancer was that now she was thin. Sad.

I have to wonder if a doctor was shown photos of my friend, one when large and one small-a year before she died, which they would believe is the “healthy” one. I’m certain most would choose the smaller size. Wouldn’t they be surprised to know she was very unhealthy—dying actually.

I can’t help but see the irony in our societal views. A fond childhood memory is sitting on my great-grandmother’s cushy lap and feeling like I was on a soft fluffy cloud. To me she was perfect. To the rest of the world she was a fat old lady.

Books on the subject:
A Girl Called Tim - Escape from an Eating Disorder Hell by June Alexander – Australian author, international eating disorder advocate http://www.junealexander.com/

Healing Your Hungry Heart by Joanna Poppink, MFT http://eatingdisorderrecovery.com/

Lying in Weight: the Hidden Epidemic of Eating Disorders in Adult Women by Trisha Gura http://www.trishagura.com/gura-author-book.htm

When we as society stop looking at the outside and start looking at souls and what is on the inside we will all become stronger and better.

If you care about anyone with an eating disorder and want support please check out our fall tele-class series and our Date Without ED opportunities at http://www.JustTellHerToStop.com

Becky Henry

President, Hope Network, LLC

National Award Winning Author of: Just Tell Her to Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders – Available at http://www.JustTellHerToStop.com
Coachbeckyhenry.blogspot.com
http://www.facebook.com/HopeNetworkBeck

Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders Chapter 4

2011-08-11T20:08:00.000-07:00

Many of you have been asking when the e-book version of Just Tell Her To Stop will be available. Any day is what a thought a while back. So for now here is a chapter I think will be helpful to some of you trying to take care of yourselves and your ill loved one at the same time.

I'd love to hear your comments. And, I'll keep you posted on when the e-book is out.

Until then, may you find joy and hope in your journey. Becky

Chapter 4

Yes, It Affects the Parents’ Marriage

Walking up to Chris at a coffee shop, I was a bit surprised to see how composed she appeared. She had shared briefly on the phone about the many trials she was facing in addition to her daughter Mary's eating disorder.

Occasionally, her coral-colored lips quivered as she spoke, but her calm, matter-of-fact manner was almost unnerving as she casually spoke of circumstances most of us could barely comprehend. Only sporadically did a tear or two escape from her tired eyes, one of the few giveaways of the toll being taken on her life.

She currently lives with her own health issues as well as the constant worry that her daughter will die from her eating disorder. This is her greatest fear.

I kept having to manage the thoughts going on in my head while interviewing her: How can she be so conversant? A person walking by would never suspect the stress this woman is under. Why do we feel such an intense need to hold it together when our lives are falling apart? Is there so much stigma attached to eating disorders we can’t let others know about the extreme pain we are in?

It is amazing how we are sometimes able to keep our outer shells so put together when our hearts are breaking. We all do the best we can to manage the blows that life throws at us and Chris was doing a beautiful job of holding it together even though no one had guided her in the essential skills needed to help herself or her daughter.

In a closer-to-perfect world, a parent with a seriously ill child would not face additional challenges. But they do continue and we are not handed just one challenge at a time; too often the challenges snowball. A lot of people lose their jobs, friends and family members die, car crashes happen. Even minor mishaps like the furnace breaking down can easily overwhelm us in a time of crisis. Soon the shoulders start to slump and our heads duck as we anticipate the next drama, the next upheaval.

Chris' story may be a useful tool for family members to share with friends or family who want to be supportive but are having trouble grasping the formidable challenges that exist during this illness.

Chris' Story

One of my biggest frustrations is that I know my daughter Mary’s eating disorder is much more serious than my husband Tom thinks it is. Hearing Becky say that she hears this often when speaking to mothers instantly reduced my feelings of isolation. Even though I know men and women experience trauma differently, it has been lonely not having Tom acknowledge the seriousness of her situation. Seeing Mary lose interest in her friends, school, hobbies, and activities has been like watching my child emotionally shutting down before my eyes. When I try to talk with him about how very ill she is, he just says, “She looks okay to me. I don’t know what you’re so worried about all the time."

When I am lying awake worrying about Mary, I wonder, How can he just fall right to sleep? I feel so alone. My annoyance has started to turn into resentment. My logical brain tells me Tom is dealing with this frightening situation his way but the emotional side of me perceives his reactions as a lack of sensitivity and empathy.

Mary got married young and within months her new husband had found someone else. He made a point of telling her that his new love was slimmer.

The day after her husband left, Mary came over to our house. All Tom did was pat her on the head before walking out of the room. I was beyond frustrated.

Like so many parents who are trying desperately to save their children’s lives from these illogical eating disorders, I find it helpful to do research. It is a coping mechanism that is helpful for me, as knowledge helps me reclaim some of the power and control the eating disorder stole when it invaded our lives. Even though some of what I learn is frightening, overall, I feel that being informed helps me support Mary more effectively and helps me know what my role needs to be. There is little else I can do as a parent to help my child.

I am often told by my husband and friends, “Don’t do that research because you’ll just freak yourself out more.” This kind of statement just increases my feelings of isolation and helplessness. I wish they could understand that researching helps me support Mary as she regains her health.

The failure of her short marriage was the beginning of Mary’s long downhill journey into sadness, pain, and self-destruction. She is a kind, loving, sensitive, caring person; all she ever wanted was to be married and have kids. After her new husband made it clear that this newer, sleeker woman was what he really wanted, Mary became obsessed with how she looked.

She became very negative about all aspects of her appearance. Nothing was good enough—her hair wasn't right, her clothes made her look "fat," etc. Then she stopped wearing makeup and wouldn't even shower regularly. It was quite apparent she was becoming depressed.

She wouldn't see friends, then lost her job and wouldn't even look for a new one, so needed to move in with us. About the time we thought things couldn't get worse she was diagnosed with the eating disorder.

Mary had been so secretive about her odd eating behaviors that it took quite awhile to get her to a doctor who could properly diagnose her. Tom and I had hoped that once she was seeing some treatment providers she would improve, but it has been a slow, painful process.

Today, Mary is trying to keep a job and go to school but things keep happening that make it impossible for her to maintain her schedule and stick to her commitments. Sometimes she cannot force herself out of bed; other times she is so down and dragged out from the medications that she just can't function. We see her daily struggles, and it just breaks my heart.

It is a challenge to not feel guilty about any role Tom and I may have played in this. Is it genetic? Did we give her genes that caused this? In addition, it appears that she inherited polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS) from me, which, ironically, is a condition common in people with eating disorders.

It hasn’t helped that some of the “professionals” seem to know less about eating disorders than I do. One doctor actually said to her, "Just push away from the table," which did so much damage. Yet that comment was not as hurtful as when the doctor said to me, "If she had anorexia it would be much worse. You don't have as much to worry about with bulimia." Unbelievable. It may be true that more people die from anorexia than bulimia, even though more people have bulimia, but this doctor obviously has not seen the way bulimia sucks the life out of its victims and steals our loved ones from us. Our daughter deserves treatment that works.

Right now the daughter I knew is gone, replaced by a shell of her former self. I miss her terribly and my broken heart grasps for the slivers of her that randomly appear. One Sunday afternoon we played cards. Her mind was sharp and she was actively engaged in the game. It was fun and we all even had some laughs. Then, just as quickly, that glimmer of her former self was gone; the zombie that had taken over my daughter's mind, body and soul was back. Those rare glimpses of her former self keep my hope alive and tell me that she's still in there somewhere.

I don’t know if our marriage can withstand this. Tom and I are both so tired and at a loss because it seems there is nothing we can do. I already have lost so much of my daughter—I can’t lose my husband too. The frustration, fear, and helplessness have us grasping at straws and we fight about what to do next. Something as simple as cleaning up after dinner can spark a major disagreement as I freak-out about Mary's plate left filled with food while Tom just brushes it off.

With the current job and unemployment stresses, (I recently had shoulder surgery and can't work). What little energy I have left is focused on keeping Mary alive. Tom also lost his job a few weeks ago but we still make time to spend a few hours together free of eating disorders conversation so we can have fun.

Most people would never know that this is yet another of the challenges facing families fighting these unrepentant disorders. People have no idea why we have found it hard to maintain a social life or even keep up the garden. The constant tension, arguments, and continual attempts to motivate her drain us. Some days, just getting food on the table is a great accomplishment—and even then the battles begin again.

Through my research I’ve learned that relationship coaches and therapists can give some insights into how to maintain marriages and respect the male-female differences in reacting to a crisis. In the meantime, I think it is essential to give ourselves permission to stop trying to get the men in our lives to grasp the seriousness of these illnesses. We need to find support elsewhere for ourselves as well as our loved one.

I have one sister in-law who is sympathetic, because she has a niece who had severe anorexia. My sister-in-law and a woman at work are the only people, besides the therapist I see, who are able to give me any comfort, sympathy, or empathy.

I have found it useful to spend extra time with girlfriends as well as consciously remembering what attracted me to Tom in the first place. It has also helped that Tom and I have agreed to not play the blame game and respect our differences. We are determined to save our marriage from being a casualty of this illness. We know we both love our daughter: we just have different ways of responding to her illness.

Here are some tools I've read about that couples have found helpful:

Date night—have a firm rule to not talk about the ill child during the entire date.
Family therapy—find a competent therapist (preferably one who understands eating disorders) that the entire family can see regularly.
Get yourself individual therapy—or an objective third party to talk to.
At home (not just date night), have a time block set aside with no discussion of your ill child or illness.
Give one another backrubs or foot massages.
Exercise together or agree to individual exercise.
Find a fun hobby to do together.
Read to one another about eating disorders (or share books).
Take warm baths.
Weekend getaways—if they don’t cause added financial burden.
Meditate or practice yoga.
Listen to your favorite soothing music.
Go to a comedy club or rent funny movies regularly.
Talk with other parents of seriously ill children who “get it.”
Tag team when the child is extra challenging to be around.
Consciously choose to be a “united front.”

Becky's Reply to Jess Weiner's Article In Glamour

2011-08-11T14:39:00.000-07:00

August 11, 2011

Hi Jess, I’ve never been known as quick on my feet (well except when I had a toddler running herself towards some danger), I need to think about things a while. Your article in Glamour http://www.glamour.com/health-fitness/2011/08/jess-weiners-weight-struggle-loving-my-body-almost-killed-me#ixzz1UfPh6kGu gave me a lot to think about.

I am confused.

So, when I am confused I ask questions. My coach hat has to go on for this because I am seeing what we call in our coaching lingo, ‘collapsing’ of concepts. It looks to me like all the confusion of Health At Every Size (HAES) and Body Acceptance has combined with scary messages from your doctor and has you collapsing the accepting of your body (regardless of the size it happens to be on a given day) with taking responsibility for keeping it healthy.

I can see how this happens, the two are very intertwined. When I have a client who is collapsing concepts into one we ‘peel away’ the layers of the proverbial onion. This is where the questions come in. I respect you Jess and want you to know that no matter what size you are I will respect you – that includes if you are bigger or smaller. The statement you made about wondering if your audience would respect you should your focus on improving your health result in weight loss confuses me. Why, given that HAES truly focuses on health and not weight, would those of us in that world respect you less if you weighed less?

I really would love to hear your thoughts on that. From what I understand of HAES, if we love our body where it is at that does not also equal choosing to do nothing about improving our health. Two different things here. This is the ‘collapsing’ I hear.

I totally get it about wishing to be a different size, sitting (way too much for my comfort) and writing my book about eating disorders I gained weight. Fortunately I have never had an eating disorder and I am able to laugh about this – mostly. Now that I can get out and move my body more often in fun ways and get back to eating things that will nourish my healthy body and give me energy I am doing that, my weight may change, it may not. Yes, I’d love it if my clothes were not tighter than they used to be and my almost 50-year old body looked like it used to…but my main focus is my health and well being. I want to be able to ski, swim, kayak, bike ride, hike, be alive and healthy until I don’t wake up one day. That is why I do what I do to keep my body healthy – that is the focus, not weight loss. This does not mean I am doing it right. We each have to find out own way.

Next (since we aren’t in a coaching session and I cannot follow up to your answer to the question about respect) I am curious about what it was you (or your eating disorder – that you have publicly shared is still alive and well) heard from your doctor that pushed you in the direction of having weight loss as a goal rather than improving your health as a goal?

I am sad to hear you say, “Still, personally, I never would have gotten my healthier numbers without confronting my weight.” I believe you and others can and do improve health indication numbers without confronting the weight.

So, please help those of us who are confused, some angry about the shift in focus of your advocacy. Deb Burgard, PhD has some interesting thoughts in her blog that I’ll also be commenting on. http://healthateverysizeblog.wordpress.com/ There are a lot of people that your article and actions can influence and I hope that the eating disorder’s voice doesn’t overtake your voice on educating about Health At Every Size. We need your strong voice in this community Jess.

Another insightful article on HAES:

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/43591507/ns/today-today_health/

Please share your thoughts and responses here.

How do I find balance when my child has an eating disorder?

2011-08-09T15:36:00.000-07:00

How do I have balance during my child's eating disorder? And, why do I need to even think about having balance?

The short answer is, this looks different for each of us and different during the different phases we go through. And, you'll burn out very fast if you don't have balance.

The longer answer and my invitation for you to share what worked for you begins here.

I know balance is necessary because I didn't do it well in the early phases of parenting a child with an eating disorder. Then I learned how to do it and practiced until it was effective.

I am not kidding about burning out. It really is true that if we don't get our own oxygen mask on and fill our cup up we will run dry and not be of any use to anyone.

Our sick children/loved ones with eating disorders need our help (whether or not they agree with that is a different blog post). If we are completely drained, fried and exhausted we will be of no use to them or ourselves.

Here are some of my ideas of what balance might look like during some experiences of caring for/about someone with an eating disorder (please share what has worked for you):

Potential Scenarios:

Parenting a young child/teen who has been diagnosed with an eating disorder and being treated with Family Based Therapy (FBT), Traditional Outpatient, Traditional Inpatient or Residential.

Being a college roommate or friend of classmate with an eating disorder.

Parenting an adult child who is in denial that he/she has an eating disorder.

Parenting an adult child who is being treated for an eating disorder.

Being the spouse/partner/housemate of an adult with an eating disorder.

Other potential scenarios that I didn't think of, please add in comments.

Balance creating actions:

Meditation / time alone to rest.

ED Free Zone/time with significant other.

Date Without ED - going out and doing something fun with friend or significant other. See more on my notes page on FB https://www.facebook.com/note.php?saved&&note_id=10150364194183942&id=135653374380

Making a Top 10 List (of fun activities) and doing at least one thing per day from it (ie- watch a movie, talk w/a friend).

Go to private space (ie- bedroom) with significant other and be alone without discussing the illness or the sick child for 2 hours.

Getting enough sleep and moving your body in a fun way.

Talking with a professional (therapist or coach) about coping tools/skills/techniques as well as resources for helping yourself and your sick child.

Journaling about your fears/worries/frustrations.

These are just a few ideas, I would love to hear what works for you and if you need help finding more balance I would be happy to schedule some coaching with you.

Do you care about someone with an eating disorder?

2011-07-11T13:38:00.000-07:00

Tool for coping with Loved one in pain - When we have someone we care about who is suffering in any way shape or form, it is hard to not worry...we all know how unproductive WORRY IS...so here is a quick tool to help!

Picture the face of your loved one in front of you in a white balloon. Think about how much you care about him/her. Then silently or out loud, say his/her name 10 times while envisioning the balloon raising up and out of your peripheral vision and up to the universe where a higher power can help them with their troubles.

I would love to hear what you notice when you try this! Please share here or on my facebook pages: http://www.facebook/HopeNetworkBeck

Eating Disorders Advocacy and Authenticity

2011-07-08T15:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Kathleen MacDonald of the Eating Disorders Coalition (the organization the receives a portion of the proceeds from sales of my book, Just Tell Her To Stop; Family Stories of Eating Disorders), gave me a wonderful acknowledgment. She appreciates that I not only understand the vast complexities of eating disorders in families but also am authentically walking the talk on claiming joy.

You see, while I am coaching other families to reclaim their joy from these destructive and challenging illnesses I am daily doing so myself. Our story is not tied up with a pretty ribbon with a happy ending, or any ending. We live in limbo as the eating disorder has taken our daughter out of our lives, we have no idea if this is permanent or temporary. It was so refreshing to hear Kathleen say that she loves that about me, that I am one of the walking wounded leading other injured soldiers to fill their cups up, put their oxygen masks on and PARTY! Yes, party.

My mantra is joy in all circumstances, and though I don't do it perfectly...what is that anyhow? I strive for it and model it. We do not help anyone else by being miserable and sad. No one. Not even ourselves. I believe in smiling, how about that? A mom who has a broken heart, smiling. How could I? I say, "How could I not?"

Speaking of smiling...a wonderful woman in Denver, CO named Katie Haley is aiming to get at least 10,000 people in Denver to smile tomorrow at 3pm MDT. You are invited to join her in person or in spirit http://smiledenver.org/

So, what am I doing to get parents/carers of those with eating disorders (ed) to party you ask?

Launching events for a campaign called: "A Date Without ED"
Campaign: "A Date Without ED"
Purpose: Carers get out & have fun again with a significant other. They pledge to not talk about ed or the person with ed for the whole date.
Origin Story: This came from my husband and I realizing (almost too late) that we only talked about our sick daughter and never had fun with each other anymore. We like each other and like to have fun together. We committed to having a date night now and then in which we pledged to not speak about the crisis du jour, the ED or our daughter. We had to find fun things to talk about and do. It saved our sanity and our marriage (probably our overall health).
Details: Carers receive “kit” by signing up on the www.JustTellHerToStop.com <http://www.JustTellHerToStop.com> page. Restaurants will contribute to a non-profit supporting eating disorders.
Kit includes :
Stickers that say: "I ATE without ED"
Story on how this began
An invitation to share their story
TIP sheet on talking points (as they may have forgotten what they used to talk about).

This will begin locally, in the Twin Cities of Minneapolis and St. Paul, MN (USA) and will expand (exponentially) nationally and internationally. I am looking for help in launching this campaign as there are many moving parts. The Aliveness Project http://www.aliveness.org/ does similar events with their "Dining Out For Life" to raise money for those living with HIV/AIDS.

Any skills, help are welcome. I have a few people who have already said they will help and we are looking for a few more dedicated passionate people who can help get thousands of carers out there reclaiming joy and at the same time raising funds (and supporting wonderful restaurants) for eating disorders non-profits.

If you are part of a non-profit and would like to be involved just contact me. Becky@hopenetwork.info

My Turn

2011-06-09T15:53:00.000-07:00

Not much gets my blood boiling these days. Lots of breathing and choosing my thoughts helps that. But as a parent of a child with an eating disorder when I encounter the old treatment beliefs about families being a piece of the "What causes eating disorders" puzzle...you may as well have told me, "You stink as a mom and it's all your fault that your daughter nearly died and is still sick after 11 years." Whatever.

Here is my response to a treatment provider who blogged about eating disorders causation and the only puzzle piece (out of dozens of potential causes) that she focused on was family dynamics. Puuhhhlleeezze. Stop it now.

Here is my response for the record (been waiting a really long time to say this to professionals who still feel that if it weren't for pathological parents we wouldn't have eating disorders)....One actually said that to me last fall - I remained calm...but let me tell you, when people ask me about therapists in NYC...her name is on the "DO NOT CALL" list.

As a parent who is now living with the heartbreaking effects (long term estrangement from my adult daughter) of the treatment model now referred to as "parentectomy" I was very saddened and angered to see the focus on family in your blog post about Causation. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/judith-brisman-phd/eating-disorder-causation_b_863007.html?show_comment_id=91295613#comment_91295613,sb=587689,b=facebook

As "Charlotte - UK" stated so eloquently: "...to even imply that they do may put at risk the health and lives of eating disorder patients, by alienating the carers who continue to love and care for them long after the insurance money runs out."

And, as Dr. Sarah Ravin says, "But if there are no obvious familial or environmental issues fueling the disorder, please don’t waste time searching for them. You aren’t doing the patient or the family any good by “being curious,” or “just exploring.” You are simply satisfying your own voyeuristic drive..."

I too am 100% for more research, do not get me wrong. We need it. In fact I am starting a world wide campaign with the AED to raise millions of dollars for eating disorders research. Private funding. From parents. There are at bare minimum 70 million of us out there who love someone with an eating disorder and we can and do make a difference. AND we are not all pathological. Thank you for stating that, "I've also seen an extraordinary array of health and resilience." I completely understand that you see and hear about tons of pathology. AND as other commenters have shared - not all children of pathological parents develop eating disorders.

What I am very curious about is with the vast complexity of contributing factors to eating disorders what the reasoning was for focusing on the family piece.

Why was there no mention of the fact that these are neurobiologically-based, genetically transmitted diseases?

What is the purpose of putting the family under the microscope when, as you state, "For these kids, it is unclear what in the family may -- or may not -- have contributed to the heartbreaking disorder that can destroy a teen's life as well as that of his or her family."?

As you shared, focusing on the family was for so long the treatment protocol. It is challenging to shift gears when we were trained in a certain paradigm and then learn years later that it was wrong. Especially when there is evidence of pathological families parading through your office daily, not to mention the distorted thinking often present in eating disordered patients which often sounds real to the care team.

I appreciate your apology and I hear a 'but'..."That being said...bingeing...can all be turned to...". It is time to really truly embrace the scientific evidence as well as be aware of the long term damage that can be caused to a family by seeing them as part of the problem. We have not done that with chemical dependency for years. It is time to stop with eating disorders.

I am grateful to see your sentence showing that shift, "Whether they lock in as a significant disorder most likely has to do with genetics and physiological predispositions, not the family."

I would be willing to bet that in any other life threatening illness we would find pathological parents...but no one is looking at the "family dynamics" when a child has cancer...that would be cruel and a waste of precious time.

Respectfully,

Becky Henry

Just Tell Her To Stop Wins National Book Award!

2011-05-26T08:38:00.000-07:00

In the previous post I shared some of the updates and here is the link to the Just Tell Her To Stop National Book Award I won (I found out on May 5th 2011and awards were presented in NYC May 23rd). http://www.independentpublisher.com/article.php?page=1442

I am still positively giddy about it as this will help get the book out to more families around the world who want to feel less alone in their struggles with these life threatening illnesses.

And, so much has been happening, I forgot to put this in the list on the last post. Local Twin Cities Playwright, Cynthia Holm wrote and directed a short 10 minute play based on Just Tell Her To Stop about one woman's recovery from an eating disorder. You can see the play here.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ns4nwkMb-nE
If you would like to use this in your educational presentations please use these credits with it: Written by Cynthia Holm for Becky Henry at Hope Network, LLC based on the concepts in the Infinite Hope Publishing book by Becky Henry: Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders.

Back to blogging

2011-05-24T14:37:00.000-07:00

December to May is a long time to be away. (Oooh, this could be a poem...don't worry I won't). After getting Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders published 1/1/11 via my newly formed publishing company: Infinite Hope Publishing, I am finally rested up and have found enough balance to resume blogging. (Trying to walk my coaching talk here...)

There are so many exciting things to share, for now a list will do and I'll share updates on each one as I blog to get things caught up.

Since December:

Book Published and Printed 1000 paperback copies
Distributor Itasca Books stores 500 of those copies and is distributing to wholesalers
Amazon and Barnes and Noble online start carrying Just Tell Her To Stop
January 2011 Becky becomes board member of F.E.A.S.T.-ed (Families Empowered and Supported in Treatment of Eating Disorders) http://www.feast-ed.org/
National Speaking Tour began in Baltimore, MD at Eating Disorder Network Maryland's 5th Annual Eating Disorder Awareness Event in February, 2011
Gurze Books begins carrying Just Tell Her To Stop in its online bookstore http://www.bulimia.com/
Plans underway to collaborate on research on Hope Network/Pivotal Crossings Tele-Classes with Emily Program and U of M in MN.
Timberline Knolls, Chicago, IL to sponsor August Tele-classes for parents
IPPY Award - Independent Publishers Book Awards given to Just Tell Her To Stop in the Mental Health/Psychology National category in May 2011
Plans underway to begin Eat Out Without ED night.

Holy Moly - no wonder I've been tired and haven't had time to blog. That is it in a nutshell for now. If you want more info on any of these before the next blog post...check out my FB page (I'm there everyday...I swear it isn't procrastinating...not at all...) https://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Hope-Network-Inc/135653374380

Oh, almost forgot - the day changing review I saw on Amazon today (go ahead make my day - post your review): (thank you to "Robin" whoever you are - you made my day!)

http://amzn.to/kieUNG

Do Parents Cause Eating Disorders?

2010-12-16T18:42:00.000-08:00

If you know me at all or have heard me talk, you know I am constantly shouting from the rooftops that PARENTS DON'T CAUSE EATING DISORDERS! Now, it's one thing for me to share this from all the research I have done but here I want to back that up with the paper released recently by the Academy for Eating Disorders (AED). It is in a pdf and the link is here: www.aedweb.org/AM/Template.cfm?Section=Resources_for...

Here is an excerpt from the paper:
"The AED stands firmly against any model of eating disorders in which family influences are seen as the primary cause of eating disorders, condemns statements that blame families for their child's illness, and recommends that families be included in the treatment of younger patients, unless this is clearly ill advised on clinical grounds."

I welcome your experiences as a parent.

ANAD Eating Disorders Conference

2010-10-30T09:47:00.000-07:00

Before I get onto the next topic that I committed to discuss here... I feel compelled to share the info on the 2011 ANAD conference in Chicago May 6th! Hope to see you all there!

Happy Halloween ~

ANAD 2011 Midwest Eating Disorders Conference

ANAD is pleased to announce the professional eating disorders conference: “Wellness, not Weight-the Changing Focus of Eating Disorders.” It will be open to clinicians, educators, friends and families affected by eating disorders. The conference is co-sponsored by Linden Oaks Hospital and Rogers Memorial Hospital. Dianne Neumark-Sztainer, PhD, MPH, RD will be the keynote speaker on May 6, 2011 at the Oakbrook Marriott, Illinois.

CEU’s will be offered. Registration begins in January 2011.

What to do if your child has an eating disorder

2010-10-13T10:24:00.000-07:00

In thinking about how to best respond to and discuss this article in which Hope Network was featured I became a bit overwhelmed as many topics surfaced that come to mind after reading Beth's well written article.

So, I decided to do a series addressing the different concepts I feel are so important to address.

Over the next few weeks (using that timeframe loosely) I'll be discussing these:
1. Diets turning deadly/"War on Obesity"
2. Blaming Parents...this will change in our lifetime if it is the last thing I do.
3. Medical professionals not taking eating disorders seriously.
4. Shame/Stigma/barriers to treatment
5. HAES
6. The wonderful work the Joy Project is doing-
Joy Project -- Grassroots nonprofit, networking self-advocacy website that provides information about support groups, treatment options, http://www.joyproject.org
7. Genetic predispostions - (will come up in some of the above but cannot be talked about enough.
8. Evidence Based Treatments - FBT
9. More on what parents/carers can do.

There, now it's out there and I'm committed.

Thank you again Beth Dooley and Star Tribune for addressing this important and often avoided topic.

Beth Dooley is a freelance writer, cookbook author and frequent contributor to: Delta Sky Magazine, Mpls StPaul Magazine and Minneapolis Star Tribune
http://bit.ly/aIB0YX

Tele-Class for Parents of a child with an Eating Disorder

2010-10-01T12:47:00.000-07:00

JOIN THE SIX WEEK INTERACTIVE TELE-CLASS -
Thursday, November 4 through December 16, 7:00 to 8:30 pm.

We Understand – We've Been There – We Want To Hear You

...Eating Disorders Tele-Classes

√ Are you feeling alone in how to cope with an eating disorder in someone you care about?

√ Do you want a safe anonymous place to learn more about eating disorders with others?

√ Would knowing what to say and do empower you to better someone in recovery?

Hope Network and Pivotal Crossings have partnered to host the following Educational Tele-classes dealing with one of life's most challenging experiences -- being a family member of an individual with an eating disorder.

Learn from the experts and peers who have experience in moving forward with their lives in the face of this mental illness.

Week One -- Topics for this first session will focus on eating disorders vs. disordered eating; practical tools for staying in balance and how to deal with our emotions.

Week Two -- Learn to separate your loved one from the eating disorder; maintaining boundaries, asking for help, styles of transition and how we handle adjustments.

Week Three -- We will address the number one myth that parents/family cause eating disorders; embracing family conflict; and readjusting to a new world of family dynamics.

Week Four -- We are all lost with what to say/not say - what to do/not do, how to build bridges and make transitions work and learn to forgive ourselves and others.

Week Five -- This session will concentrate on hidden losses - loss of dreams; riding the rollercoaster of emotions and exceptional books and resources.

Week Six --The focus of this last session will include types of treatment; using your strengths for positive change and honoring your gifts.

Presenters -- Becky Henry Speaker and Eating Disorders Family Coach. She is the author of Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders. Rita Goldhammer is a leadership coach, author, and facilitator who encourages others to embrace major life transitions and losses. Her most recent book, Enrich Your Caregiving Journey, is dedicated to one of the most stressful transitions: caregiving.

Pricing -- Tele-class Registration is $70 per person for this six-week PILOT series ($150 value – less than half for this premiere). The six-weekly sessions are designed to be taken in order. Sessions will be recorded and available if you miss a session. Register for the Series -- Register online by at www.HopeNetwork.info or call 952-451-5663 or 763-784-4841 for assistance and questions.

Families and eating disorders recovery

2010-09-14T17:00:00.000-07:00

It has been a while since I've written as I've been busy with the writing final pieces for the book and reading it aloud to make sure it is complete.

In reading through Carolyn Costin's chapter I came across what she shared about including families in recovery and wanted to share with you:

"When families are included in the recovery process, they can be trained to see the eating disorder is a part of the person but that the healthy person is also still there. This helps significant others work with us to strengthen their loved one's healthy self.

I find it very annoying when I hear that parents are told their loved ones will not fully recover. Although it takes a long time, studies show that in 7 to 10 years, people can be fully recovered. More recent studies are showing that with family involvement the recovery is much shorter." ~ Carolyn Costin, MFT Founder of Monte Nido Treatment Center in Malibu, CA

Is Maudsley Family Based Therapy Still Obscure?

2010-08-24T10:42:00.000-07:00

As happy as I was to see this article in the Seattle Times I was a bit disappointed to see Maudsley Family Based Therapy(MFBT) STILL being referred to as "obscure."

Check it out and let me know your thoughts:
http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/html/health/2012678841_webanorexia.html

What can we each be doing on a daily basis to let health care providers know about eating disorders and the different treatment options? Sending this article is one way. What other ideas do you have?

One thing I love doing is speaking to the groups of health care providers, they are hungry (sorry for the bad pun but I couldn't resist) for this information.

I love what psychologist Dr. Sarah Ravin says about the family role in MFBT, "If a 15-year-old had a bottle of vodka before school every morning would you say, 'Well, that adolescent is asserting her need for control, so parents back off?"" Ravin said. "No, because drinking alcohol before school is not OK."

I love this about the MFBT approach that includes the family in recovery.

Feed Me!: We need more FBT therapists!

2010-08-13T09:17:00.000-07:00

We need more therapists trained in Family Based Therapy (FBT)! Now is your chance - training this fall in Chicago.

Feed Me!: We need more FBT therapists!

Eating disorders and tooth damage

2010-08-11T09:28:00.000-07:00

An article by Julie Dearborff in the Chicago Tribune on August 10th talks about 5 threats to teeth which includes eating disorders. Here is what she had to say about that:

"Eating disorders. Dentists are actually on the front lines when it comes to spotting eating disorders since mouth changes are often the first physical signs, according to the National Eating Disorders Association. Up to 89 percent of bulimic patient show signs of tooth erosion due to frequent vomiting and nutritional deficiencies. Stomach acid can render the teeth brittle, weak and translucent. Teeth can also change in color, shape and length as well as become more sensitive to temperature. Tooth decay, meanwhile, can be aggravated by extensive tooth brushing or rinsing following vomiting."

What has your experience been? I had hoped bi-annual trips to the dentist would help us get a diagnosis for my daughter but just like she was trying to be --- her teeth were perfect. The good news was there was no enamel erosion, the bad news was the diagnosis got delayed.

Would love to hear your stories of eating disorders and teeth.

Bulimia Research Study

2010-07-24T07:16:00.000-07:00

Thank you Maudsley Parents for sharing this important information!

Eating Disorders Research

Bulimia Research Study

Principal Investigator: Angela Guarda, M.D.

The Johns Hopkins Eating Disorders Program is seeking women 18-40 years old with bulimia nervosa interested in a research study funded by the Klarman Family Foundation. The study includes a health assessment, blood testing and pictures of the brain taken using a medical scanner. Eligible women will be paid up to $400 for their participation and will be offered 6 weeks of outpatient treatment. Please call (410) 955-3863 for more information. http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/psychiatry/specialty_areas/eating_disorders/research.html

Peter McClellan Radio Show Interview

2010-07-07T13:50:00.000-07:00

Last December I drove through a snow storm to be interviewed on the Peter McClellan Show. It was totally worth driving for an hour in a snowstorm to meet with him. Peter is a financial planner with Geneos Wealth Management and on his radio show he spotlights other entrepreneurs in the Twin Cities.

I was fortunate to receive his "Braveheart Award" for rising about life's circumstances and living my life with passion and inspiration! Peter is Scottish and invites his "friend" Angus along to the show. It was quite fun to watch Peter switch from American (Minnesotan) English to Angus with his heavy Scottish Brogue.

Enjoy the fun interview here: (who knew talking about something as serious as eating disorders could be fun?)
http://www.kkmslive.com/MP3/PM_12_23_09.mp3

Beliefs

2010-07-07T13:31:00.000-07:00

I did some group coaching last night with some amazing Mary Kay consultants. We did some work on self limiting beliefs and creating new beliefs that are self expanding!

Here are the basics:
Write down what your situation is - ie; cold calling or my child with an eating disorder will never get well

Then make this chart and fill it out in the order shown:
Old Belief Behavior Outcome/Result
1 2 3

New Belief Behavior Outcome/Result
6 5 4

Then ask yourself: What new behaviors are you committing to tonight? How will you stay accountable for them?

Let me know what you find out and if you need accountability, call me.

War on Obesity...not my choice of words

2010-07-01T12:44:00.001-07:00

As someone who cares about a person impacted by an eating disorder are you feeling helpless? So many families/friends tell me they feel hopeless, helpless and want to help but don't feel there is anything they can do. In addition to encouraging your loved one to get treatment (if they are over 18 and you can't make them) so that you can enjoy life with them again, you can take action. Here is one way you can help get more attention to eating disorders so that help will be more accessible.

EATING DISORDER COALITION CALL TO ACTION
Posted: 29 Jun 2010 11:14 AM PDT
TIME SENSITIVE Action Alert! Ask Michelle Obama to address eating disorders!

Posted: 29 Jun 2010 07:06 AM PDT
TIME SENSITIVE Action Alert! Ask Michelle Obama to address eating disorders!
The Eating Disorders Coalition (EDC) is working with Congressman Alcee Hastings, who cares about eating disorders and is asking Michelle Obama to expand her Childhood Obesity Initiative so that it also addresses eating disorders. Congressman Hastings has written the below letter to the First Lady and is looking for additional Members of Congress to join him in taking a stand for eating disorders by signing onto this letter.
This is where you come in!
We ask that you call your Representative in the House and ask her/him to sign onto this letter. Deadline for signing on is close of business Thursday, July 1st.
This is important. We have an opportunity to influence Michelle Obama's initiative so that it is more comprehensive and addresses the spectrum of eating disorders as well as obesity.
If you do one thing today - have it be this. Contact your Representative now.
Here's how:
1) Who is my Representative? If you don't know who your representative is
- go to www.house.gov
- put your 9 digit zip code into the box in upper left corner
- This will take you to your Representative
2) Calling your Rep
- Call 202-224-3121 which is the Capitol Switchboard and ask for your Rep's office. They will connect you
3) The MESSAGE
Tell the person answering that you are a constituent of Congressman/woman XX and that you would like him/her to sign onto Alcee Hastings letter that urges Michelle Obama to incorporate eating disorders into her childhood obesity campaign. The deadline for signing onto the letter is July 1st.
The receptionist may transfer you to the health legislative assistant who is in charge of this issue. You then repeat your message. You can get this person's email address and send the letter below.
More message:
Everyday people are dying of eating disorders yet this reality remains unrecognized and hidden. When there is such a focus on weight as is the case in the First Lady's initiative - this invariably results in some people using risky weight loss methods, the increase of weight-related stigma and bullying, and developing eating disorders. Unless Michelle Obama overtly includes a discussion of eating disorders in her efforts there is the unintended possibility that her campaign will do harm. If your boss adds his/her name to this letter it will help influence the First Lady's Initiative so that it is comprehensive and promotes health for all children.
If the office wants to sign on to this letter, they should contact Amye Greene at 5-1313 or amye.greene@mail.house.gov. This is for Members of Congress and their staff ONLY - please do not contact Amye as an advocate. If advocates have questions please contact Jeanine at the EDC at jeaninecogan@starpower.net.
The Sign-On Letter:
DISCUSSION DRAFT
June 28, 2010
The First Lady of the United States
The White House
441 G Street, NW
Washington, DC 20500
Dear First Lady Michelle Obama,
Thank you for championing the health and welfare of our nation’s children through the Let’s Move Campaign. Let’s Move has brought historic attention to the importance of addressing one the most serious public health concerns of today. However, we believe that broadening Let’s Move’s focus to include information about eating disorders would enhance the campaign’s mission to improve the mental and physical health of all children.
We understand that obesity and eating disorders have distinct health impacts, and believe that the prevalence of these disorders indicates the need for comprehensive and well-coordinated interventions that support healthier habits and environments. Like obesity, unhealthy weight loss measures, anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, binge eating and eating disorders not otherwise specified (EDNOS) have increased significantly over the past few decades. In fact, more than 11 million men, women and children suffer from an eating disorder in the United States.
In a speech that publicly introduced the Let’s Move Campaign, you stated that unhealthy diets and habits can negatively influence physical, emotional and educational development and well-being. Eating disorders are no exception. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) found that undernourishment impacts a student’s ability to excel academically, and suicide, anxiety and depression are more common in people with eating disorders. Eating disorders also have the highest mortality rate of all mental illnesses, and can result in long-term health issues including heart and kidney failure, cognitive impairment, muscle atrophy and sudden death.
Like obesity, eating disorders afflict children of different ages, genders, economic backgrounds, and ethnicities. At least 30-40 percent of junior high students have reported dieting, over half of high-school girls have reported dieting, and 25 percent of bulimia and anorexia cases are men. What’s more, student athletes can be especially vulnerable to eating disorders because some adopt unhealthy dietary restrictions and weight loss methods to achieve or maintain a certain weight for competition. Many obese individuals resort to unhealthy weight loss tactics and may develop eating disorders in an attempt to achieve a desired weight or body image.
Strong environmental, cultural, social factors have contributed to the high rates of obesity and eating disorders in the United States. Stigma, blame and misinformation often accompany these conditions. Coordinated efforts among educators, elected officials, parents, community leaders and young people are crucial to executing sustainable solutions to these public health problems. We believe that Let’s Move Campaign’s mission is compatible with messages and interventions that are designed to address eating disorders. Educators could incorporate information about unhealthy dieting when providing information about healthy food choices. Speeches and parental toolkits could include information about risks, signs and support networks for eating disorders. And, the Let’s Move Web site could include a link to the Office of Women’s Health Web site which has comprehensive and evidence based information on eating disorders.
The unprecedented leadership in the battle against obesity through the Let’s Move Campaign shows your commitment to creatively and aggressively improving the health of children, families and communities. We hope that you will take our suggestions into consideration so that the Let’s Move Campaign can take a more holistic approach to addressing the full spectrum of behaviors that are compromising the health of America’s children.
Sincerely,
Alcee L. Hastings
Member of Congress
_________________________
If the office has any questions or wants to sign on to this letter, they should contact Amye Greene at 5-1313 or amye.greene@mail.house.gov.
Thank you for adding your voice to this effort. Every call makes a difference!
From the Hill,
Jeanine Cogan, Ph.D., Policy Director
Eating Disorders Coalition
www.eatingdisorderscoalition.org
202-352-3208

Links in posts

2010-06-28T11:54:00.000-07:00

Okay so I didn't get the article link in my post.

Here it is: http://tinyurl.com/27npy4e

Again, I welcome your comments.
Becky

AOL Health Depression Article, Becky Henry and Eating Disorders

2010-06-28T11:24:00.000-07:00

Gratitude, AOL Health, Hope, Depression and the part that got edited out. Here is what they have in common:

I am so grateful for the article that Catherine Donaldson Evans wrote about caring for a depressed family member in her column for AOL Health published June 27th, 2010. Not only did she give my soon to be published book: Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders, some buzz but she also gave hope to readers who have contacted me. That hope is why I do this work and it fills my heart with joy.

I am glad to see the points she was able to cover and would like to fill you in on what (in a perfect world- without column length limitations) I would like to have seen there too.

After this paragraph, "It was hard to be patient with it -- hard to be patient with the doctors, with choosing the medication," Henry said. "I felt so sad for her, but other times I was angry because she was being so mean to us, self-absorbed and rude."
I would have added: No one had given us the essential tool of separating the person from the illness which I have since learned families must do in order to remain calm in the face of the outbursts that come from these mental illnesses.

I have written posts on this previously so feel free to look back and see that one on Separating your loved one from the eating disorder.

The other main point I would like to have seen addressed is how we as parents were excluded from the treatment team. This is so very important as we were told to back off and let our daughter be in charge of her recovery. She was a teenager for God's sake and was seriously ill. In what other life threatening illness are the parents told to let recovery be her thing? There is now a term for what we experienced, it is called, "Parentectomy" and it's an outdated approach to eating disorders treatment. We were not aware of the Maudsley Family Based Therapy approach back then and didn't know it could be an option.

I urge other families to be assertive in being included in their child's treatment, their lives depend on it.

I am so grateful for the publicity and look forward to the book's arrival soon! Would love to hear your comments.

Celebrity Gossip mags & Eating Disorders

2010-06-17T13:01:00.000-07:00

Long ago I couldn't help but wonder what the , Celebrity gossip mags effects were on my daughter's eating disorder. Not being one to blame things outside of our control I let it go.

This is still good to see this research to encourage parents who may have a genetically predisposed child to keep these out of the house.

A study in Wales by Dr. James White of Cardiff University and Dr. Emma Halliwell of University of West England compared habits of 546 children ages 11-16 in South Wales. The research is being presented at the Appearance Matters conference in Bristol.

The study's results indicated that the one of the strongest risk factors for significant increases in eating disorder behaviours was how often teenage boys and girls read gossip magazines.

See the whole article here: http://www.physorg.com/news195918685.html

What have you seen in your child with an eating disorder? Do they enjoy these magazines?

Living with Loss

2010-05-24T11:15:00.000-07:00

As I see it's been a few weeks since my last blog post I am realizing I need to state what has been occupying me.

Jenni Schaefer's beautiful Mother's Day letter brought me to a new level of understanding that I need to respect the fact that I am constantly grieving losses that eating disorders have brought to my life.

We still don't know if our daughter will ever be recovered. Millions of people are living with this type of uncertainty. On many levels my daughter has been taken from me. I have been told I have a lot in common with parents who have had their children abducted and don't know if they are alive or not. This realization has led me to spend some time doing this grieving I didn't know I needed to do.

Luckily I have a wonderful coaching colleague who specializes in the caregivers journey and helps people process grief. I am now in a much better state of mind and can allow creating to happen again. Thank you Rita Goldhammer of Pivotal Crossings for helping me to do this valuable work.

One of the things I've had to grieve and let go of is that what we experienced in our daughter's treatment is being called: Treatment Failure. It was both exciting and sad to learn more about the very promising Family Based Therapy approaches in talking with Laura Collins of F.E.A.S.T.

So I am done with the "What Ifs" and am excited to talk with and interview families who have found successful recovery via Family Based Therapy!

I would love to hear of your positive experiences of incorporating FBT into traditional treatment models.

Thank you Jenni Schaefer for this mother's day gift!

2010-05-07T09:49:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day to all who are, have been and who have mothers. This mother's day gift came to me via another mother's child and I am so happy to see it. Than you Jenni for helping all of us who love a child with an eating disorder to hear what we have so badly needed to hear.

IT'S NOT OUR FAULT. - Thank you Jenni for saying it so beautifully and gracefully, you have given an amazing gift to every mother who has had a child with an eating disorder. I believe your words will help to heal millions of mother's hearts.

I know I am not alone as a mother who was very clearly given many many messages that my daughter's life threatening illness was somehow a result of my parenting. Not only was I scared out of my mind that she would die, saddened beyond description at what this disease was taking from her and us but I was at the same time blamed.

What we all needed was help. Encouragement. Support. Tools. Kindness. Answers. Love. Instead what happened is now being called a "parentectomy" and that didn't help anyone.

Thank you Jenni for your beautiful letter, your gift to all of us mothers of children with eating disorders. In my world of believing that ANYTHING is POSSIBLE, I picture your letter in the family waiting rooms of every eating disorders clinic in the world. I see it in all of the curriculum materials that (will soon exist) to educate ALL healthcare providers so that they know that eating disorders are complex bio-psycho-social illnesses and that blaming the parents is an antiquated way of treating the family.

Moms out there, I would love to hear your stories of hearing words such as Jenni has shared with us and her mother.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jenni-schaefer/mom-its-not-your-fault_b_565831.html

Eating Disorders Parent/Family/Friends Support

2010-05-04T06:15:00.000-07:00

Join us tomorrow for group coaching to assist you with your journey in caring for someone with an eating disorder.

Parent/Family Friend Support Group
$10/person or $15/couple
Every other Wednesday beginning April 7th
5-6:30pm
Dunn Bros. Freight House
www.dunnbros.com
201 3rd Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55401 (Next to the historic Milwaukee Road Depot) Phone: 612-692-8530
Call or email Becky to reserve a spot Becky@hopenetwork.info
952-451-5663

Oprah and Eating Disorders

2010-05-03T07:59:00.000-07:00

What are your thoughts about Oprah's 8 episode series that will document a group of patients as they undergo a 42 day eating disorder recovery program? Will it be done respectfully? Will they sensationalize the experience? Will you watch?

I am hopeful that this show as well as the E! eating-disorder mini series will bring a lot more attention to eating disorders and hopefully help with :

Reducing stigma
Increasing awareness about treatment for patients, families and health care providers
Improving diagnosis rates and referrals to treatment
Increase awareness of insurance issues and improve reimbursements

That's just for starters. Please add your wish lists. I could go on and on but want to hear what you hope for.

http://topnews.us/content/218696-celebs-help-spread-word-about-eating-disorders

I would love to hear your thoughts.

FREED ACT Introduced to Senate

2010-04-29T06:55:00.000-07:00

This is big exciting news! Okay so I admit, what I know about how an Act becomes and Act is what I learned from watching Sesame Street with my kids...but I know this is big news.

What I do know is that on April 27th two MN senators and and Iowa senator introduced legislation aimed at fighting and preventing eating disorders in the United States! That is BIG NEWS and it's about time.

Did you know that:

The NIH spends about $1.20 in research funding per person with an eating disorder compared with $159 for someone with schizophrenia, which has a much lower incidence rate, said Jillian Croll, director of education, research and program development for the Emily Program, a Minnesota company that offers comprehensive eating disorder treatment.
“Most physicians get between zero and two hours of eating disorder education in medical school,” Croll said. “Yet they often are on the front lines of screening or assessing someone with an eating disorder, and they just don’t have enough information.”
At the University of Minnesota, about 5.3 percent of students reported struggling with an eating disorder, according to a 2007 Boynton Health Service survey.

The details of the FREED Act are below if you are interested. I'll be sending out a notice to all on my newsletter list. If you want to be on that please comment here and I'll add you or visit my website: http://www.hopenetwork.info to sign up!

See my facebook page to see links to some articles on this. http://www.facebook.com/HopeNetworkBeck

To confront the growing issue of eating disorders, the FREED Act will:

* Expand research on the prevention of and effective treatment of eating disorders: Coordinates research on eating disorders at the National Institutes of Health and across the federal government, and creates research consortia to examine the causes and consequences of eating disorders, and to develop effective prevention and intervention programs.

* Improve the training and education of health care providers and educators: Authorizes grants to medical, nursing, social work and other health professions schools to train health care providers in the identification and treatment of eating disorders, and grants to train teachers and other educators in effective eating disorder prevention, detection and assistance strategies.

* Improve surveillance and data collection systems for tracking the prevalence and severity of eating disorders: Tasks CDC with addressing the lack of accurate information on the incidence and severity of eating disorders. Requires the development of new methods to accurately collect, analyze and report epidemiological data to ensure that the incidence of eating disorders and related fatalities are better understood.

* Prevent eating disorders: Authorizes grants to develop evidence-based prevention programs and promote healthy eating behaviors and in schools, recreational sports programs and athletic training programs.

* Build on existing reform efforts to ensure that treatment is available and affordable: Creates a patient advocacy program to aid people suffering from these diseases and their families negotiate the health care system. Incentivizes states to ensure that adolescents covered by Medicaid are diagnosed and treated.

Caring for someone with an eating disorder

2010-04-22T12:11:00.000-07:00

Now is your chance to share what your perspective as the family has been with a young researcher in Australia.

Caring for someone with an eating disorder: Different perspectives

My name is Kerri Coomber and I am completing a PhD in Psychology looking at the experience of caring for someone recovering from an eating disorder. While we now know a lot about what this is like, we don’t know whether the person in recovery and the carer see the experience of recovery and caregiving similarly or whether their experience is different. I’d like to invite you to share your perspective.

Both carer and the person with an eating disorder would each complete a short questionnaire. You won’t see each other’s responses and what you say will have any identifying information kept separate. I will give each of you a code number so I can match up your questionnaires.

The carer questionnaire ask you about how the eating disorder affects you, as a carer, how you deal with everyday problems related to the eating disorder, and how your general health has been lately. This questionnaire will take you approximately 20 minutes to complete.

The questionnaire that the person with an eating disorder will complete will ask you about your eating disorder, where you feel you are on the road to recovery, and how you think the eating disorder affects your carer. This questionnaire will take you about 20 to 30 minutes to complete.

If you have an eating disorder, or you are a carer of someone with an eating disorder and you would like to take part please email me at kcoomber@deakin.edu.au, or phone me on (03) 5227 8436. Can you please let me know your address so I can send you the questionnaires, the age of the person who has an eating disorder, and whether the person with an eating disorder has bulimia nervosa or anorexia nervosa. The last two pieces of information are needed to make sure I send you the appropriate version of the questionnaires.

Media and Eating Disorders

2010-04-15T08:11:00.000-07:00

I promise to delete any rants I find myself making here this morning. Tuesday I flipped through the April issue of Minnesota Monthly as I was waiting to get my haircut. Now, I was forewarned by my dear editor Connie Anderson of Words and Deeds (she is awesome by the way) that these photos were going to be in this issue. I already had Sue Stein, who writes articles for me, working on a letter to the editor about these photos.

I can't believe how angry I got sitting at my hairdresser's. I had already seen one of the photos.

When I talked with Sue the next day, Wednesday, I got angry all over again. I promise to remain calm today.

In talking with Sue I described what I saw and the question that formed for me was: "How would photos of an emaciated woman who looks like she might keel over any moment make someone want to buy the clothing she is modeling?" That was after poor Sue had to hear much ranting.

I have been told I dress nicely, usually look fashionable so I don't think I'm completely in the dark about what looks nice. I didn't even notice the clothes...couldn't tell you. It is supposed to be a piece about fun new spring fashion. HUH? It was done all in sepia tones, no other color. The whole spread made me feel sad.

The poor waif made me think of my previous cleaning ladies who are immigrants from Ukraine. They used to tell me sad sad stories of having only 1 potato for a whole day for their family because other desperate people had stolen the food from their gardens and there was no food in the grocery store.

When I showed the photos to my hairdresser she instantly said that just looking at her hair was a strong indicator that she was undernourished. I stood in awe looking at this young woman with her scraggly, dry, thin hair—no smile (her teeth were probably in decay too) and all I could think was: Who in the magazine thought this could possibly be a good idea? Was this the "brainchild" of the stylist Jennifer Dickey? How about the photographer Joel Larson? What did he think? Then I saw that the byline on the piece was lifestyle editor Elizabeth Dehn and wondered, If she had a child with a life threatening eating disorder, would she be allowing such triggering photos to be published?

I normally don't name names but my blood is boiling on this one. I am on the record saying, "The media does not cause eating disorders in my opinion, but they can contribute to deadly results in those who are pre-disposed to eating disorders."

In this case I can clearly see how it might go down. A young person (male or female) could see this sickly model and think, Well, she is skinnier than I am and she is still alive so I guess I can lose even more weight and still live. Yes, it is distorted thinking but that is how the eating disorder sounds and it happens every second of every day.

I want to educate those in the media to see this concept as I truly don't believe they are evil people intentionally trying to kill young eating disorders sufferers. They just are unaware of the damage that such photos could create.

Besides, "Who would be inspired to buy those clothes anyhow? I still don't get it.

My plea to Minnesota Monthly editor Joel Hoekstra and Minnesota Monthly Publisher/President Steve Fox is this: Please take responsibility and learn about how what you print could be contributing to life threatening eating disorders. Did you know that eating disorders are the most deadly of all mental illnesses? At minimum 11 million Americans are sick with eating disorders and you can play a role in contributing to their wellness by your decisions.

I tried not to rant. I left A LOT out - thank goodness for the delete key.

Eating Disorders MN

2010-04-05T11:50:00.000-07:00

Have you ever wondered what to do if your doctor says your child is obese? Or too thin? This can be very overwhelming for parents leaving them wondering many things including:

What do I do now?
Does the doctor know what they are talking about?
How will labeling my child affect him/her down the road?
What if the child is naturally sedentary?
Could pushing "healthy" foods and "healthy" exercise promote an eating disorder?

I read Dr. Katja Rowell's blogpost this morning on Family Feeding Dynamics; WHAT'S ON MY MIND AND ON MY TABLE and learned some helpful information on this topic.

Did you know that:
1. Labels and shame are not good motivation for positive change?
2. Children have been denied insurance due to their weight?
3. BMI is merely a screening tool and not a diagnostic tool?

Take a look at Katja's blog post from Sunday April 4th to learn more tools for healthy children and read the juicy discussion that follows.

Eating Disorders Parent Support in MN

2010-04-01T07:09:00.000-07:00

Here is the info on the Parent/Family Friend Support Group in Minneapolis:

$10/person or $15/couple
Every other Wednesday beginning April 7th
5-6:30pm
Dunn Bros. Freight House
www.dunnbros.com
201 3rd Avenue South
Minneapolis, MN 55401 (Next to the historic Milwaukee Road Depot) Phone: 612-692-8530
Call or email Becky to reserve a spot Becky@hopenetwork.info
952-451-5663

Even if you aren't a "support group" kind of person, this will be different. You get to talk with other parents/family/friends living with binge eating disorder, bulimia and anorexia AND you get some hands on coaching from a certified life coach who is a parent of a child with an eating disorder herself. We are your peeps - not the marshmallow treat kind though.

How do I respond to my child's comments about her body?

2010-03-31T13:35:00.000-07:00

Parents/Family and Friends often ask me about how they are to reply to the comments of loved ones with eating disorders.

When we barely can comprehend what it is they are saying and why, it can make responding feel like walking through a field of land mines.

Here are a few examples of what a family member might hear during the course of an eating disorder:

I ate at my friend's house, I don't need dinner.
Why are you always into my business?
What difference does it make to you what I eat?
So, are you happy now? My jeans that used to be loose are now tight!
I hate my life, will I ever be recovered?

After a long day it can be overwhelming and feel a bit like you've been slammed against a wall to hear some of these comments and questions. What's a person to do right then and there in that moment?

I welcome your feedback on what has worked (and not worked) in your household and also the comments of therapists and dieticians who specialize in treating eating disorders.

Here are some great suggestions from the National Eating Disorders Association toolkit for Parents on How to be supportive:

Be patient and nonjudgmental
Be honest
Let him/her know you only want the best for him/her
Don't take the person's actions personally
Listen openly and reflectively
Talk with the person in a kind way when you are calm and not angry, frustrated, or upset

You can view the whole list here by clicking on #4 How to be supportive - http://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/information-resources/parent-toolkit.php

HAPPY SPRING!
ps. I love hearing your ideas on what works for your family during holidays such as Passover and Easter when you have a loved one with an eating disorder.

Children and Eating Disorders

2010-03-26T05:34:00.000-07:00

Have you read Carolyn Coker Ross, M.D.'s blog on children and eating disorders? I thought she did a great job on talking about the important things that parents, especially mothers, can do to help avoid negative messages. She sees girls in her practice who tell her they first learned to dislike their bodies or learned to diet from women in their families, including their mothers.

I think these suggestions Carolyn shares are all very good, and I would like to have seen the issue addressed that mother's don't cause eating disorders.

Here are my summaries of Dr. Coker Ross's excellent points:
1. Watch your comments about body dissatisfaction in front of your children.
2. Don't go overboard on focusing on healthy eating and calling some foods good and some bad.
3. If you have heavier children don't fight obesity but exercise together as a family, eat together and accept genetics.
4. Build up self-esteem with good qualities other than appearance.

I think these are all great approaches and I feel it is imperative to stress that eating disorders are complex, multi-faceted bio-psycho-social disorders caused by a combination of many factors. Don't beat yourself up mom's if you have made some mistakes, this is only a part of the puzzle. Take these suggestions and use them to improve your parenting, not to blame yourself.

We've had enough blaming of mom's and it isn't helpful for anyone. Let's make sure when we give mom's suggestions that we include the information that they alone can't cause eating disorders.

See Dr. Coker Ross's blog here:
http://www.basilandspice.com/mind-and-body/eating-disorders-and-children-32010.html

What is Orthorexia?

2010-03-23T09:35:00.000-07:00

Did any of you catch the ABC piece on Obsession with 'Pure' foods Leads to Eating Disorder this morning on Good Morning America?

Here is the link to the story: http://abcnews.go.com/GMA/OnCall/orthorexia-obsession-healthy-foods-leads-eating-disorder/story?id=10173614

I would love to hear your thoughts.
Are you often avoiding certain foods so you can eat really "clean" and feel better?
Does eating "pure/clean" foods help with your anxiety?
Are you isolating yourself socially?
Spending increasing amounts of time food shopping and reading food labels?

Orthorexia is not yet a diagnosable eating disorder but clinics are seeing these patterns of people worrying about what is in their food to the point that they are becoming dangerously ill.

What if you allowed yourself to try those foods that you used to let yourself have? Just one for now? Why not try it if it gives you back your normal existence?

Email me or call me at Hope Network, Inc. to share your stories. You too can recover as the woman in the GMA piece did.

Education about Eating Disorders

2010-03-19T06:53:00.000-07:00

Thanks to Sheila Himmel, Co-Author with her daughter Lisa of Hungry: A Mother and Daughter Battle Anorexia for her article on Pediatricians: first responders to possible eating disorders I found it thought provoking and frustration producing. Not due to what Sheila shared but what a doctor shared...this is why I am out there talking with health care providers.

Here is what the doctor had to say in Sheila's article:
Dr. Frederick Lloyd http://tinyurl.com/y9bm3ja told me, "I've never had to hospitalize on that first visit. My usual strategy is to listen to the family and the child's concerns, which is most often weight loss. The child almost always feels there is not a problem and they are in control. Since they are usually medically stable, I suggest the parents step aside and we will see where we are in a couple of weeks. Sure enough they come back with further weight loss, and then I describe what needs to be done to be sure this is not an occult medical condition [such as celiac disease]. I describe how we will follow this, and then, depending on how they do, discuss other resources."

Tell me why the doctor wouldn't talk with the parents further and dig a little deeper instead of wasting valuable time? Why not refer to an eating disorders specialist who could do an evaluation and if there is a problem, get treatment started right away? If this was cancer would the doctor take the child's word for it that he/she feels fine and delay treatment? It is time for more education of the front line health care providers on the seriousness of these illnesses.

AND - that doctor and many others need to know that not all people with eating disorders present with weight loss. Hello.

Here is my comment to Sheila, I am so grateful that she got me thinking about this more. Yes, this one hit a nerve with me. Gives me some more talking points with the health care providers I speak with on this topic.

Thank you Sheila for this article and for the work you are doing in trying to educate the doctors. I felt my blood start to boil when I read what the doctor said about weight loss being the most common thing he sees! Then it hit full boil when I immediately read that he asks the parents to back off.

This is why it is so important that you and I and many others are out there doing the educating that our medical schools haven't done. First of all, anorexia is the least common of all the eating disorders and so if he is watching for weight loss then he is missing many kids with bulimia and binge eating disorder who don't often present with weight loss.

It took at least 2 years to get my daughter's eating disorder diagnosed in part because she wasn't emaciated. Doctors need to know that it can still be serious and that the parents need to be involved.

That parentectomy model is so old - I am not shocked that he is still suggesting this but I am saddened by it.

Thank you Sheila for sharing this.
Becky Henry
Hope Network, Inc.
www.hopenetwork.info

So readers, I'm a bit riled up for a Friday, thanks for reading. Would love to hear your experiences with trying to get an eating disorder diagnosed by a primary care physician.

Weightism...what's up?

2010-03-17T12:39:00.000-07:00

Making comments about other people's appearance, what is it about? We are often socialized to give one another compliments on appearance.

"Oh, your hair looks so nice today." "You look great."

On and on it goes. I've been asking lately what people have heard in the way of body comments, it is bizarre.

Yesterday I addressed the shame and stigma that larger sized people face by referencing a NY Times article about Gabby Sidibe.

Today I want to respond to a respond to a readers comments on the discrimination felt by the underweight population. Same thing - different flavor.

Here are some of her thoughts (used of course with her permission):
I read your status on face book, and the linked article, about shame and stigma being used in dealing with obesity. The article got me thinking about another problem on the opposite end of the scale that I’ve experienced but never read anything about.

The obese are discriminated against, but also the extremely underweight are. I have found that people who would normally try to be politically correct when around an overweight person will come right up to an underweight person and tell them what they think. They will openly and bluntly call the person a skeleton, and tell the person that no one wants to see bones, tell them they are going to die if they don’t gain weight, tell them they need to be in the hospital, tell them they look terrible and sick. Our doctors have already warned us of the risks, it is not something we should have to hear when we go to church or come across friends. All of these things may be true, but since the person saying them has no medical background it is none of their business, and is not helpful. It seems as though some people feel that with overweight people they shouldn’t say rude comments directly to them, but they feel it is ok to talk behind their back, but they feel that with underweight people it is ok to state their opinions openly right to them. There is still a lot of stigma and shame and prejudice attached to being overweight, but many people talk behind the persons back due to wanting to appear politically correct and socially proper, but with persons underweight there is no social expectations of what is proper and what is rude. Society has said it’s rude to say you are fat, but society has never told people it is also rude to say you are too skinny, you look gross. As I mentioned I’ve never read anything on underweight bashing being a problem, but it does exist. It will be nice when some day society accepts the person without feeling a need to comment on their weight at all.

I responded to her by saying, "...have heard many people share about folks feeling it is okay to make comments about a thin person's body...maybe one day people will no longer feel a need to make comments about another's body...am I dreaming?"

To which reader replied:

That would be nice if some day people can appreciate the many varieties of personalities and body types without feeling a need to make themselves feel better through comparing.

Thoughts? How about health care providers? Are you stumped as to how to address health issues without being rude about the patient's appearance?

Thanks reader for sharing your perspectives. I welcome comments here.

Congrats Gabourey Sidibe

2010-03-16T06:58:00.000-07:00

How many of your hearts were bursting with joy to see the lovely Gabourey Sidibe present at the Academy Awards nominated for an Oscar? Not only was a thrilled for this amazing young woman who is having a fabulous start to her career, I felt a glimmer of hope that we may be making progress on accepting people for who they are being and what they are accomplishing rather than their size.

Those of you in the eating disorders world know that our families/friends may tire of hearing us talk about body image issues when we look at TV. So, I kept my mouth shut and just listened to the comments of the other ladies who had been making catty comments all evening about the appearance of many of the people who crossed the screen. Quite an interesting commentary, no wonder women feel so judged...when we are constantly judging everyone who crosses our paths we must feel they are also judging us. It was sport. Kind of like the "sport" of throwing dynamite into a lake and watching the fish fly out is "fishing." Those of you not from the upper midwest of the US might not know about this "sport." Or maybe this goes on in other parts of the world too.

I digress with my analogy, let's just say:
What if we all started feeling love and acceptance toward those we see during our days?
Would we in turn start feeling love and acceptance toward ourselves?
Would the incidence of eating disorders decrease?
Would we be happier and have a more prosperous society?
Would women (and men) improve their self-esteem? Body-esteem? Body image?

Who knows but it seems worth the effort to me.

So in the spirit of love and acceptance I am sharing this fun - tongue in cheek, smartly written article written by Kate Harding. Enjoy and kudos to both Kate and Gabourey keep being the change you wish to see in the world - and thank you!

http://www.salon.com/life/broadsheet/2010/03/15/gabourey_sidibe_future/

Do parents cause eating disorders?

2010-03-13T09:08:00.001-08:00

Have you ever seen Laura Collin's video interviews of many eating disorder's experts on the topic of a parent's role in causing eating disorders?

I wish I had seen this many years ago when I was feeling blamed for causing my daughter's eating disorder. There are still people to this day who feel that over-controlling mothers are the cause or at least contributing factor.

We all influence our children in many ways but blaming mothers, even if they have been dieting and criticizing their bodies and those of other people, does not do any good in aiding the recovery of people with eating disorders.

Long ago we realized it was useless and harmful to blame the families of those with alcoholism or drug addiction but so many persist in blaming parents of those with eating disorders. We need to move into the 21st century and even though we are not certain of the multi-faceted causes for these deadly illnesses we need to spend our energy on more research for a cure instead. See Laura's wonderful video here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wE3fyQV_chI

Support for parents of kids with eating disorders

2010-03-12T04:56:00.000-08:00

I blogged about this a couple of weeks ago but it bears repeating as this should be a great event for families to attend to get what they need to support them while they are caregiving their loved one with an eating disorder.

The Mission of Hope Network is to provide access to resources, hope and healing to all families affected by eating disorders through: education, coaching, writing and speaking. Creating informed healthy families leading loved ones to full recovery as they navigate the crisis of an eating disorder with Joy and Peace and Hope.

Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 10:00 am - 5 pm, The Lighthouse International Conference Center, 111 East 59th Street, New York, NY

Please join ROAED and RAMS for a day of education, renewal and friendship. This event is for parents, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, and other loved ones of those suffering from an eating disorder. Presentations will include guest speakers, music, art, coping skills and much more.

Visit www.familymentors.org to register.
Registration deadline is February 20, 2010.
Tickets $125 per person, lunch included.

Our goal with this workshop is to bring parents, mothers, fathers, boyfriends, husbands, and other loved ones of those suffering from an eating disorder together to empower you to feel you are not alone. It is to give you the freedom to realize it is okay to take care of yourself, as a person, and that in this way set an example for your child that you can survive this difficult time. We want to be able to educate as well as give a refreshing and new outlook on the recovery process. We envision that a Journey to Hope is the first of many workshops we can offer families.

Emily Program new facility in Orono?

2010-03-08T12:36:00.000-08:00

Last week I read the Star Tribune article; Eating Disorders facility touches off a battle in Orono, by HERÓN MÁRQUEZ ESTRADA. I wasn't so shocked by the content of the article, as people often react out of fear of any change. I was mostly disappointed. What shocked me most were the comments from readers - lots of anger an assumptions.

Reading many of these comments is fascinating to me. I am happy to see that there are a couple that sound open minded and able to see a grey area worth exploring further.

My initial reaction to this news, as a coach supporting the parents of these frighteningly ill young people, was REALLY? And then I thought about it, would I want this right behind my home as neighbor5533 points out? Will there be bright lights all night long? Were there lights when it was a school? Was there noise then? Will this bring more noise?

So many things to consider. How many families will this help? Will this raise property values? What if everyone believed that having an eating disorders treatment facility nearby would RAISE property values?

Reading the comments I was very sad to see so many ASSUMING that everyone in Orono is super wealthy. I lived near Orono for a while, close to some homes that didn't even have insulation, the people were not all well off.

I am a strong supporter of the Emily Program having a facility in the western suburbs. Now that the Anna Westin House is moving to St. Paul there is next to nothing west of St. Louis Park for far west suburban and rural west MN families facing this crisis. Having a child with an eating disorder and trying to find and GET TO treatment is a nightmare I wouldn't wish on anyone.

Eating Disorders are an epidemic, destroying millions of lives everyday. There are not enough treatment facilities and I am so glad that the Emily Program is expanding to serve this dire need. I do hope that cooler heads will prevail and find a solution that serves our communities effectively. If this old school isn't used for this desperate need perhaps there is another facility that won't disrupt zoning issues. I do wonder then, what will the old school be used for? Will it be something creating even more traffic or police calls?

Fear and Panic are what parents of kids with eating disorders live with every day. I hear fear being present for this neighborhood that is about to have a change. Change is not easy. We can choose to react out of fear or we can choose love. There are so many more options available to us if we choose love, curiosity or another perspective other than fear. I'm not saying that is easy but if we can see the grey area, choose curiosity or love, then we might find a solution for this wonderful old building. And for people who need our help to get well.

I am grateful that the Emily Program is working to expand their locations and I hope that they can find a community that welcomes this much needed service.

Comments? Thoughts? Ideas?

Eating Disorders Family Support

2010-03-01T13:00:00.000-08:00

I hope you all had a great National Eating Disorders Awareness Week! So great to see all that is happening including the upcoming BEDA Conference www.bedaonline.com/ and locally the Anna Westin House is moving to St. Paul and doubling in size!

Therapists - here is a resource for the parents/families of your clients:

Twin Cities Eating Disorders Parent Support Group: Any parent struggling with an eating disorder problem may feel “alone.”

Now there’s a way for families to talk with other families who have lived this horror. You’ll have some group coaching, someone to listen to you, acknowledge the crisis you are in as well as the losses you are experiencing, give you some encouragement and connect you with your greatest source of strength.

This is for anyone who cares about someone with an eating disorder.

Details: 10-Week Family/Friends Support for Eating Disorders.
Location: Ridgedale Library - 12601 Ridgedale Dr. Minnetonka, MN 55305, Mtg. room on 1st floor below library.
Dates: Wednesdays 5-6:30 pm.
Cost: $10/person or $15/couple per week (or pay for all 10 weeks up front and SAVE $10).
Led by: Becky Henry, CPCC
For more information, visit: http://www.HopeNetwork.info or send email Becky Henry with questions. Becky@hopenetwork.info

What do parents of a child with an eating disorder need?

2010-02-12T08:33:00.001-08:00

Today I am looking for your feedback on this question. This month I am starting to work with a business mentor who will help me bring my services to many more parents impacted by eating disorders.

I say parents because she wants me to narrow it down, I am very aware that there are sisters, wives, brothers, friends, etc who are seriously impacted by the nightmare of loving someone with an eating disorder.

I would love to hear what else describes this person and what other needs a parent of a child with an eating disorder might have. Please comment or send me an email.

Here is what I came up with:
Parents impacted by a child with an eating disorder that I can serve are:

Female
Spiritual value based families balancing work and family time
Married
age 35-55
panicked and fearful about their child’s eating disorder
looking for resources and skills for saving their families
believe in coaching
love reading self-help books
value being pro-active about maintaining health
value education
have graduated from college
non-smokers
feeling hopeless about how to help their child with an ed
Don’t know where to turn for help for the ed
concerned that their child will die
want my services to give them answers and calm
need help coping with their anxiety about child’s ed
need help understanding basics of what makes someone with an ed tick
want to reclaim their joy and peace while child is sick with ed
want to save their marriage that is being impacted by the child with ed
are afraid this ed will destroy their own health and career
worry what this ed is doing to their other children

searching for help for families impacted by eating disorders, how to parent a child with an eating disorder

want someone to talk to who understands the nightmare and frustration of parenting a child with an eating disorder

Messages to our First Lady

2010-02-08T19:00:00.000-08:00

As many of you know, there has been a lot of buzz in the eating disorders world about comments the press tells us that the first lady made about her daughters' sizes. Having learned over the past couple of years that what really matters is fitness and health, not size or weight I've had some thoughts about the matter. I'm realizing that fitness and health are what I always have valued and I'd been led to believe that weight and size were directly influencing the former two.

I am very grateful to two of my "parent heros" who share my passion for making eating disorders a thing of the past. Both Laura Collins and Doris Smeltzer have addressed this directly with Michelle Obama and I commend them both for eloquently and elegantly doing so. Both of them handled it with grace, style and respect of the first lady.

I am sharing with you the links to their blogs so you can read for yourself what they had to say. I hope that Mrs. Obama will get a chance to see and hear what they have to share also. For I too believe she is a very smart woman who like many of us has been led to believe that size and weight determine our fitness and health. My wish is that our first lady will study this as so many of us have and make her own choices about this matter. Of course I am hoping she will see the validity of this concept and use her position to share this with our health care providers so that they too can do no harm.

Thank you Laura Collins http://eatingwithyouranorexic.blogspot.com/2010/02/what-eating-disorder-world-wants-mrs.html? and Doris Smeltzer http://www.eatingdisordersblogs.com/parents/2010/02/a-message-to-our-first-lady.html

Eating Disorders Parent Support Group

2010-02-04T16:51:00.000-08:00

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years since I led one of these but after many requests for this in the Twin Cities, it’s time. I keep hearing from therapists who treat people with eating disorders that the families of their clients need this - no doubt. The book is in the publication process and I'm not writing and editing all the time now, so it's here!

This is the chance for families to be able to talk with other families who "get it" for unless you have lived this horror, it's tough to really understand what it is like loving someone who is in the grips of an eating disorder. We'll have some group coaching, someone to listen to you, acknowledge the crisis you are in as well as the losses you are experiencing, give you some encouragement and connect you with your greatest source of strength.

Parent/Family/Friends Support Group ~ beginning this March! This is for anyone who cares about someone with an eating disorder – not just parents!

I can’t believe it’s been 7 years since I led one of these but after many requests for this in the Twin Cities, it’s time.

Details: 10-Week Family/Friends Support for Eating Disorders
Location: Ridgedale Library - 12601 Ridgedale Dr. Minnetonka, MN 55305
Space: Meeting room on 1st floor below library
Dates: Wednesdays Beginning March 3 2010
Time: 5-6:30pm
Cost: $10/person or $15/couple per week or pay for all 10 weeks up front and SAVE $10 – only $90.00 for all ten weeks by paying in advance.
Led by: Becky Henry, CPCC
Register in advance so we can reserve the room – must have at least 5 people signed up.

Check out the website for more information (outline) on the workshops page at http://www.HopeNetwork.info or email me with questions.

Please feel free to pass this along to anyone who helps people with eating disorders including: therapists, dieticians, school nurses that you know ~ thanks!

Reaching Out Against Eating Disorders - ROAED

2010-02-01T13:01:00.000-08:00

I am so happy to share with you this wonderful opportunity for families living with eating disorders! If you can be in the New York area on March 20th this looks to be a great opportunity to make your own - Journey To Hope

Here is their information:
Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 10:00 am - 5 pm, The Lighthouse International Conference Center, 111 East 59th Street, New York, NY

Please join ROAED and RAMS for a day of education, renewal and friendship. This event is for parents, spouses, boyfriends, girlfriends, and other loved ones of those suffering from an eating disorder. Presentations will include guest speakers, music, art, coping skills and much more.

Visit www.familymentors.org to register.
Registration deadline is February 20, 2010.
Tickets $125 per person, lunch included.

Our goal with this workshop is to bring parents, mothers, fathers, boyfriends, husbands, and other loved ones of those suffering from an eating disorder together to empower you to feel you are not alone. It is to give you the freedom to realize it is okay to take care of yourself, as a person, and that in this way set an example for your child that you can survive this difficult time. We want to be able to educate as well as give a refreshing and new outlook on the recovery process. We envision that a Journey to Hope is the first of many workshops we can offer families.

Formal invitation and detailed program will follow.

For further information call ROAED at 212-935-2015 or RAMS at 585-797-3964.

Healthy Body Image, Eating, Fitness and Weight and NO DIETS?

2010-01-28T12:59:00.000-08:00

True, it is possible to be healthy and fit without dieting. If you are a reader of this blog you know by now that I am very "anti-diet" and don't mince words about that. You've probably heard me say it many ways, diets don't work, most eating disorders begin with a diet, the dieting industry is a 40 billion dollar a year industry, and did I mention DIETS DON'T WORK!

On January 16th a long term Big Hairy Audacious Goal (BHAG) of mine was realized! Eight years ago, after 2 years of many failed attempts at getting my daughter's eating disorder diagnosed, I walked into the pediatricians office and handed her my daughter's diagnosis on a silver platter. Well, okay, verbally I angrily told her that I now had confirmation of my suspicions from reputable sources (teenagers who had a front row seat to the action). So we politely asked for a referral to eating disorders treatment. That day I made a promise to myself that ONE DAY I would find a way to take up where our medical schools have chosen to leave off and get the information about eating disorders to health care providers so that they would have the tools they need to both diagnose and refer eating disorders as well as not cause them with their language. After 2 years of planning with three very talented health care providers, we did it! I have been fortunate to meet these three women who share a passion about creating health in people who are challenged by eating, fitness, weight and body image concerns. Together we formed a small coalition called: Moving Mountains 4 Health.

Michele Gorman, MS, RD, LD shared with our diverse group of health care providers and educators the details of how the stress response takes a long-term toll on both the mind and body. She shared data on the impact of worry about weight, restricting food, overeating and dieting on our bodies.

Kathy Kater, LICSW is a well-known expert on research related to the onset and development of the full spectrum of body image, eating, nutrition, fitness and weight concerns and has spoken widely on paradigms for addressing these important issues. Kathy shared details of the Model for Health Body Image and Weight as a universal health promotion model.

Katja Rowell, MD spoke as the expert on Family Feeding Dynamics (also the name of her business). She shared from a medical perspective the Division of Responsibility in feeding and how it increases nutritional variety while decreasing conflict. I love how she says she helps take anxiety off the menu.

I then spoke about the importance of language and including families in eating disorders treatment and why that is important. My wish is that it will no longer be accepted practice to exclude parents from their child's eating disorders treatment. After all, the therapist, doctor or dietician sees your child for one 50 minute hour and the parents are responsible for the other 167 hours in the week. I learned that what we experienced in being told to back off, not talk about food, not talk about the emotional challenges our child was facing now has a term, it's called a "parentectomy" and that is not an effective treatment model.

I cannot go back now, with the knowledge I have, and have a re-do. NOT that I would want to relive that living hell, but I am making it my mission to educate both the families and the health care providers so that other families might get a quicker diagnosis and be able to begin treatment immediately in order to have a drastically improved chance at full recovery.

I feel like living proof that if you are tenacious and have passion you can see your dreams come true.

Chapter 1 - An Unwilling Expert - Learning About Eating Disorders

2010-01-21T13:22:00.000-08:00

As we are getting closer to the publication date of the book - I am learning that delays are a "normal" part of the book publishing process and trying to be okay with that. I have decided to put excerpts from the chapters here so you can get a "taste" of what is to come.

Here are some excerpts from Chapter 1.

Chapter 1 An Unwilling Expert - Learning About Eating Disorders

Waiting Rooms
Tiny little rooms
Like jail cells
All taupe and fluorescent lights
Nothing to look at
A symbol of the jail I feel ED has put us in

So scary
So incredibly alone
So helpless–losing hope
Knowing
I’ll have only a few minutes of some professional’s precious time to ask our questions.

Want to jump out of my skin
So trapped, so tired

Will they ever help us?
We must help ourselves
Sad
Sadness
Hopeless

Is this how all parents of chronically ill children feel?
I am the parent of a child with an eating disorder
And I need a hug!!

– Becky Henry ©2002

When I interviewed the mother of a seventeen-year-old daughter for the story, “We Would Have Done Anything,” if I hadn’t heard the story flow from her lips, I would think this was a movie script–it was so unbelievable. But the title says it all: We would have done anything–and that is so true of most families I have interviewed. A lot of them didn’t know what to do because many health care professionals they turned to for help didn’t know either. What is the first step, second step?

I wrote the above poem when I was sitting in the very tiny space allotted to family members to wait while their loved one is being evaluated for an eating disorder. This treatment center has since made a much nicer area–and they are working to include families more in the recovery process. I had just spent weeks trying to find help and a place that would determine what our next steps needed to be to save our daughter's life. I would have been so happy to have a colorful poster to distract me. The bare taupe-colored walls only served to make me feel that the family was not an important part of this picture. I kept staring at the blank wall and wondering, Why don't they just have a big poster with some bullet points about what is going on, what to expect, what to say, what to do, how to get help for my daughter, for me, my family? Would that have been so hard? Wouldn't that help my daughter if I were informed? Maybe they want to keep me in the dark so that she stays sick longer and then they'll make more money? Oh, am I that cynical or have I lost my mind? Or, perhaps the system is messed up and needs fixing.

I am an “unwilling expert” because I am the parent of a child with an eating disorder, I can emphasize with all of these families I’ve interviewed. I don’t have all the answers and have my own set of questions–but I have found in my friendships with these families and for some, as their coach, talking to others in the same situation really helps–if only to realize “you are NOT ALONE.” This incredible journey has given me a passion to make sure no family is alone and without answers when the uninvited guest I sometimes call "bully" shows up in their family. The families I coach to live better and support their child, spouse, sibling, parent, etc. with an eating disorder more effectively, often share very similar questions. Where do our families turn when they are being torn apart? Where can one mother talk to another mother? They also want answers to questions that range from simple–to almost unanswerable.
• What works?
• What doesn’t work?
• Why is this hitting our family?
• How can we have a normal family meal?
• How do I pay for this?
• If she is out of high school, but too sick to go to college, will our insurance cover her?
• What do we tell family members?
• How do we not neglect our other children?
• How do I know if the treatment center near us has had good results?
• How do I recognize a relapse?
• How do I stay calm when relapse happens so I can support this slip?
• What can I read to learn as much as possible?
• How do we keep our marriage/family together during this illness?
• What do I tell my friends in school about what is going on with my mom?
• What do I tell my son's grandparents about this illness that used to be a female illness?
• Is she going crazy?
• Am I going crazy?

Much research shows that eating disorders are an illness that some people are more predisposed to. People don’t “get” an eating disorder because of how their parents treated them. The old idea often was: This poor sweet girl has a demanding mother who wants her to be perfect, and that’s why she has an eating disorder. The “then thinking (and too often yet today) was: It’s the mother’s fault.

In some of my interviews, I found parents who could look back and sort of see something that triggered the eating disorder, such a her best friend’s suicide, relationship problems, or even her parents’ divorce–however there were other children in the family affected by these things who did NOT develop an eating disorder.

Every family that is just starting to live with an eating disorder always has more questions than answers. As you read the sometimes heart-breaking, sometimes heart-tugging results of my interviews, you can see similarities and differences in the way the person with one of these chronic illnesses handles day-to-day living. And each family tries different things as well to just survive this ever-changing illness, finding what works for them as individuals, as a couple, and as a whole family. Many told me that on some occasions, they knew they were “connecting with their daughter” and could reason with her, while other times they knew that the eating disorder that occupied her head was distorting every single word they said, every gesture they made, as it gained another inch of control over their child’s mind and body.
....
____________________________________________________
An eating disorder is when a person has an abnormal relationship with food–and these people can be any size, even overweight–and have a life-changing eating disorder that needs treatment.
___________________________________________________
....
For simplicity’s sake, the book most often refers to daughters and their parents. This book is for all people who care about someone who is being lost to an eating disorder: women who have a partner or husband, sisters, friends, or parents–or men who have a son, daughter, friend, partner, co-worker, employee. When you read, insert your own words for that person as you find the skills, tools and hope needed to navigate this challenging journey.

Mostly I used “her” throughout the book because the majority are girls; however I want to stress how commonly boys and young men are showing up more in treatment. They can be pre-disposed as well, and certain things set them off. Some males may be reacting to some emotional upheaval just like females do. People have told me that their eating issues began with trying to “make weight” for a team such as wrestling, or trying to be faster for the swim or cross-country team. Some coaches in certain sports really put an emphasis on maintaining a set weight for males or females, for example: dance, skating, swimming, running, wrestling, cheerleading, and gymnastics. I have heard more than once from mothers of sons in treatment that the treatment facilities have not caught up with the needs of males. These boys are often the only male in the center, and as part of the program, they may be learning to knit and paint fingernails alongside the female patients. A few tell me they didn't mind, in fact they feel they will be better boyfriends/husbands/dads as a result of learning traditionally female skills. Sadly, it's time for treatment programs to develop more programming for the growing male clientele.

I am often asked, "You have studied and learned so much about eating disorders, what causes them? Is it just body image?" Of course, body image is the No. 1 reason girls and women of all ages are so self-obsessed about their weight and how they look. But the causes are complex, and multi-faceted. Currently the research is showing a combination of the following factors: (see www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/ for full descriptions)
• Psychological
• Interpersonal
• Social
• Other biochemical, biological and possible genetic
Following are some things that families going through this health crisis have told me they want others in their life to know:
• Avoid being judgmental
• LISTEN (this means don’t talk and try to fix–use your ears not your mouth)
• Remember–this illness is not just black and white, it has many areas of grey
• Be supportive (ask what they need)
• Keep in mind that there is no right or wrong way to do treatment
• Know that we are doing the best we can with what we have
• Be mindful that we are experiencing and grieving major secondary losses. We feel powerlessness over the severity of the situation
• This illness and all of its complicating factors are putting a huge strain on our marriage/relationship, finances and health
• Fear is our constant companion–this makes us a little jumpy and irritable–also affects our cognitive functions including memory. This is normal in our situation please cut us some slack and don't panic

This book is dedicated to all of the incredibly brave individuals who daily reclaim their power over eating disorders. To the families who lovingly walk alongside them believing in fully recovery and reclaiming their own power over fear and panic. My intention is that these stories will give you peace and hope along with tools to effectively support your loved one through recovery.
....
Tips from Becky:
1. Prepare stock responses for people who don’t know how to support you. Then when you are emotionally and physically wiped out and caught off guard, you can retrieve your memorized comment/answer.

2. Be prepared for people (anyone, whether they are friends, family, care providers), to say stupid, insensitive things. Have another stock response ready for the really insensitive ones.

3. Worry isn’t necessary. Worry is a choice, an option and a waste of time because most things we worry about don’t happen.

4. Getting pulled into drama is optional.

5. You have a choice about how you react to challenges.

6. You can actively choose to let go of suffering (I’m not saying this is easy).

7. Find a way to tap into your fearlessness–it may be facing the worst-case scenario that frees you.
8. Practice separating the person you love from the eating disorder. It isn't easy, but it will help both of you.
9. You can be happy, even if your child is not, but you have to work at it.

Sharing Melissa's blog on family support

2010-01-14T07:33:00.000-08:00

Just read Melissa's blog post on the findingmelissa blog site. She shares some valuable information on what specifically families can do to support their loved on during an eating disorder.

Those of us in the trenches know it can be such a hopeless and helpless feeling when it seems there is so little we can DO to help them recover. We need to make a mental shift on what that looks like. They need to do the work and we need to be the cheer squad. Not an easy task when Ed is so tenaciously whispering in their ear.

Here is my comment on Melissa's blog post. Please share your thoughts.

Melissa, this is one of the best lists I've ever seen to spell it out for families on how to effectively support your loved one with an eating disorder. Such concrete things to do:
1. Remind you that you are special
2. Listen when you are scared
3. Reassure you when you have doubts
4. Call you on the phone and help you smile
5. Be there waiting for when you are ready to join the world again

All good things for families to remember. Thank you for digging deep to really put words to what helped you in your recovery. Families feel so helpless and often hopeless. I will share your blog with others.
Thank you!
Becky Henry

Language and Eating Disorders

2010-01-11T16:45:00.000-08:00

This Saturday at our Moving Mountains 4 Health Continuing Education Course we'll be talking about moving the weight paradigm from dread and failure to balance and health.

I have found it quite amazing in all the listening I've done with people impacted by eating disorders to hear the little statements that pushed them over the edge into an eating disorder. Now, these people may already be predisposed to an eating disorder so it isn't the statement that gave them the illness. I want to be clear about that. Many in the field call these things, "triggering" language. As the statements or questions can "trigger" both the person already suffering from an eating disorder or those who are predisposed and headed that way.

One of the stories I wrote for my book is about a young woman named Heather, her real name is used in the book, who was preparing for prom. When she tried on her dress a week before prom for her boyfriend, she remembers him saying, "Yeah, you'll look good, but you'd look great if you lost ten pounds." Now, that is an extreme example, I think - what are some of your stories that you have heard?

Sometimes the comments are made by health care providers, how about this example: A woman who is 5'4" and 170 pounds says to her MD, "I have to lose weight!" And the MD says, "I'm glad to hear you say that. Your BMI is 29 and weight loss is recommended for people with a BMI over 25" Now, what would you be thinking/feeling if your doctor said that? Many of us would go right into shame and despair. Not to mention the stress in thinking about what to do. How would it be if your doctor said this instead, "Let's talk about how you are taking care of yourself before we assume what is next. Why don't you tell me about your eating and fitness habits?" I think I would feel like my doc wanted to help me and was really listening to what I might need to be healthy.

I'm so excited to get to share some practice of using language to open up clients/students/patients on Saturday with health care providers and health educators. I hope to help people avoid situations like this one: A mom brought her daughter who had an eating disorder to the emergency room for something completely unrelated. When the social worker walked into the little room looking at the girl's chart that stated that this girl had an eating disorder, she looked the girl up and down and promptly said, "You don't look like you have an eating disorder." This mother shared with me that the simple statement made by the social worker set her daughter's eating disorder recovery back by about a year.

We'll talk more about language, I'd love to hear your stories of how language has impacted your eating disorder.

Until next time, remember - You can't tell if someone has an eating disorder by looking at them. These deadly illnesses affect people of all shapes, sizes, colors, sexes and religions - frighteningly equal opportunity.

No diets

2010-01-04T05:57:00.000-08:00

Here we are already - January 2010! How did this happen so fast? I hope you have all been having wonderful holiday celebrations with friends and family. I have enjoyed spending lots of time with people I enjoy and don't get to see all that often. So much of those fun times center around food. It is always interesting to hear the comments people make about food, their bodies and other's bodies. Somehow it's as if that is okay to do - make comments about other's bodies that is. Most who know me know by now that if they feel inclined to say something about the condition of their body or that of someone else that I will say something about body acceptance.

I try not to be a pain so I gently provide an "educational opportunity" to open someone's eyes to the possibility that we are all looking the way we were made to look. What a wonderful world it would be if none of us judged ourselves or others - about how we look or anything else.

Most of you probably have realized I am not a fan of New Year's resolutions as I think they set us up for failure and shame. That being said, the only new goals I have here at the dawn of a new year and a new decade (thank goodness) are to avoid seeing all the advertisements for diets and "new" weight loss schemes as well as accepting myself and others the way we are.

I wish for you a joyful and accepting decade.

Eating Disorders and the Holidays

2009-12-24T07:17:00.000-08:00

Families living with an eating disorder can find the holidays extra challenging with all the focus on food. There are so many different stresses and foods that can be frightening for people facing eating disorders.

Last night I got to have a conversation with Peter McClellan on his radio show 401k Latte about eating disorders at the holidays. We talked about the huge spreads of food that can be overwhelming and stress inducing. Take a listen: http://www.kkmslive.com/MP3/PM_12_23_09.mp3

Peter asked some great questions to open up the conversation about how both parents and health care providers can support someone with an eating disorder. A few things we talked about were:

* As family member; put on your oxygen mask first-make a Top Ten list and do 1 each day
* Family members can help by: Learning to let go with love
* Don't make comments about other people's bodies
* Low fat - Low Calorie diets backfire - they don't work
* Language from health care providers is important - telling patients to lose weight not only doesn't help - it hurts.
* Health care providers can ask open ended questions about what a patient's health care goals are can enroll the patient in the process of making healthy choices.
* Health Care providers can attend: movingmountains4health.com to learn more
* The book: Just Tell Her to Stop can be pre-ordered at: www.hopenetwork.info
* Weight-ism is alive and well and needs to be addressed
* People can be health at many different sizes
* Focus on overall health to achieve your health goals
* Insurance and eating disorders coverage - Academy for Eating Disorders works for mental health parity
* Book on family stories of living with eating disorders website will be live in a couple weeks: JustTellHerToStop.com
* I received the Braveheart Award for living life with Passion and Inspiration
* College professors can order the book to add to their curriculum
* Pharmaceutical companies are invited to purchase the books to donate to eating disorders treatment centers.

I welcome your comments on the show. What have you heard from your health care provider that has backfired for you? What comments have you found helpful while recovering from an eating disorder?

I hope you will focus on what you are grateful for this holiday season and have peace.

How helpful is "War on Obesity?"

2009-12-17T07:19:00.000-08:00

After interviewing a number of larger people for my book: Just Tell Her To Stop; Stories of Families Surviving Eating Disorders, I have seen close up and personal how incredibly unhelpful and downright damaging anti-obesity statements can be for people.

I have heard stories of people being shamed for being "overweight" all in the name of intending to help them be healthier. Well, it backfires.

Here is one such short story. A woman I spoke with went to the doctor for a physical and in the process was told, "You need to lose 70 pounds." What happened next was a stress response (as I have learned from my brilliant Registered Dietician friend Michele Gorman) that sent her not to the gym but instead across the street for a doughnut.

What can we do differently as people who are trying to help others to achieve health? I can tell you that from what I have learned, it is not shaming people. There are other behavioral approaches to achieve health and sometimes it may not have anything to do with weight. What a concept.

That is what drew me to collaborate with a small coalition of health care providers to share a new paradigm for healthy body image, eating, fitness and weight. Check out the continuing ed program being held in Minneapolis Jan 16th, 2010: www.movingmountains4health.eventbrite.com

Here is the latest from the Association for Size Diversity & Health:

(PRWEB) December 16, 2009 -- The Association for Size Diversity and Health joins national and international eating disorders organizations in urging school administrators, employers and health policy makers to focus on health rather than weight in all populations.

"We offer as a resource in this shift the principles and science behind Health At Every Size that are available at our website, www.sizediversityandhealth.org,"; ASDAH president Deb Lemire said.

The weight-neutral Health At Every Size (HAES) movement calls for size acceptance, an end to weight discrimination, and lessening of the cultural obsession with weight loss and thinness.

Last week the Academy for Eating Disorders, Binge Eating Disorder Association, Eating Disorders Coalition, International Association for Eating Disorders Professionals and National Eating Disorders Association issued an unprecedented joint press release expressing concern that strategies in the global "war on obesity" fuel weight prejudice and contribute to negative self-esteem, body dissatisfaction and eating-disordered behavior. Their concern aligns with ASDAH's position that weight-focused health messages and practices harm the health of people of all sizes by increasing body shame, eating-disordered behavior, and health care avoidance, and by failing to address the health needs of people of all sizes.

ASDAH is an international organization composed of health professionals, scientists and activist committed to promoting all aspects of health and well-being for all populations. Its basic principles of Health At Every Size (http://www.sizediversityandhealth.org/content.asp?id=76) recognize the multidimensionality of health and well-being and promote balanced eating and enjoyable physical activity, rather than eating or exercise focused on weight loss.

###

Source : PRWeb

Moving the Weight Paradigm from Dread and Failure to Balance and Health

2009-11-07T10:07:00.000-08:00

Today I am putting finishing touches on my presentation for the January 16th CE course for health care providers. If you are looking for more information on helping your patients with weight issues come and check out this course and get your CE credits!

We hope you will take advantage of this important continuing education opportunity.

This 1-day workshop is approved for 7 CEUs for most healthcare and mental health professionals
Moving the Weight Paradigm from Dread and Failure to Balance and Health - Promoting Healthy Body Image, Eating, Fitness, and Weight
Training healthcare providers, mental health therapists, dietary specialists, educators, administrators, and legislators to respond more effectively to the full spectrum of eating and weight concerns.
For more information, read on, or go to: http://www.movingmountains4health.com
To register, click on this link: http://movingmountains4health.eventbrite.com

Please forward to anyone who might find this of interest.

Date: Saturday, January 16, 2010—9:00 AM - 5:00 PM Lunch Included
Location: Zurah Shrine Center, 2540 Park Avenue, Minneapolis, MN 55404
Why attend?

You cannot solve problems using the same thinking that created them. (Albert Einstein)

Whether for appearance or health, worry about weight affects the lives of most people today, and at ever younger ages. Healthcare providers, therapists, dieticians, educators and legislators are increasingly called upon to respond, give advice, or develop policies in regard to weight, even as top health authorities are uncertain about the best way to do so. With eating disorders on the one hand and a rising rate of obesity on the other, it is critical that those in positions of influence and authority understand the complex issues involved to avoid adding to the problem. In turn they must become skilled, confident, and effective in discussing weight in ways that do not inadvertently promote body dissatisfaction or shame, disordered eating, or complacency about eating and fitness. Moving Mountains 4 Health informs and trains professionals in a universal, evidence-based approach that may be used with confidence to promote the attitudes and behaviors needed for positive body image, wholesome lifestyle habits, and healthy weight, regardless of size.

What will you learn?
An effective, evidence-based model for healthy body image, eating, fitness and weight: Hear an overview of the risk factors underlying the full spectrum of body image and weight concerns today. Take away a new model for prevention and intervention and the language to deliver it that is applicable to all ages.

How the STRESS RESPONSE (including worry about weight) contributes to problems, and skills to intervene: Identify how stress relates to appetite, eating, physical activity and hormonal imbalances that contribute to weight problems. Learn evidence-based methods for maintaining balance in the face of stress, versus turning to self-sabotaging behaviors.
Teaching how (versus what) to eat: the feeding relationship and health: Review development and feeding from infancy through adolescence and how worrying about weight distorts the feeding relationship with far-reaching consequences. Learn to teach “Feeding Competency 101.”

Identifying, differentiating and referring eating disorders across the spectrum: Gain tools for effectively identifying disordered eating and eating disorders, as well as communicating with patients and their families about medical care and referral for specialized treatment.
How to use the new paradigm in your practice to support health as a value versus size as a goal: Promotion of health-supporting behaviors and balance versus size or weight is an evidence-based approach that reduces stress, eliminates self-sabotaging efforts, and gives everyone an equal opportunity to succeed.

Who is Moving Mountains 4 Health?
Moving Mountains 4 Health is a coalition of professionals who are passionate about promoting healthy body image, eating, fitness and weight.

Michele Gorman, MS, RD, LD is an award winning dietitian and president of the Minnesota Dietetics Association.
Kathy Kater LICSW is a psychotherapist, author of Healthy Body Image, and a nationally known authority on body image, eating and weight issues.

Katja Rowell MD is a family doctor turned childhood feeding expert.

Becky Henry CPPC is an eating disorders coach, parent and author of an upcoming book for families living with eating disorders.

Want CEU's for learning more about weight issues?

2009-10-30T16:00:00.000-07:00

You're Invited...

Training health professionals, educators and administrators to talk effectively with patients, clients, students and their families about weight.
Title: Moving the Weight Paradigm from Dread and Failure to Balance and Health: Promoting Healthy Body Image, Eating, Fitness and Weight
Presenters: Kathy Kater LICSW; Michele Gorman MS RD LD; Becky Henry CPCC; Katja Rowell MD
When: Saturday, January 16; 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Conference Information: MovingMountains4health.com and Registration http://movingmountains4health.eventbrite.com/

Support for those in ED Recovery - EDEN Recovery Skills Tele-Class

2009-10-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

If you or your loved one is in recovery and would like a boost to stay on track with all the work you have done - join others on this journey of supportive coaching!

I am now offering a Group Tele-class featuring the EDEN Curriculum 17 week
Recovery Skills Course. The calls are 45 - 60 minutes in length - held Tuesdays, (10-11 am CST). The cost for the 17 weeks including the $20.00 cost of the curriculum, (which I
will mail to each participant, includes postage) is $270.97 which =
$15.90 per week, can be paid to either Becky Henry or Hope Network, Inc. I
also have a paypal account you can use too. If you need to make payments
this can be done in 3 installments of $93.32 each which = $279.96. One
before beginning, the next at 4 weeks and the last at 10 weeks.

Here is the outline of the 17 weeks: (you may join in at any point)

Recovery Perspectives & Planning

Defining Healthy/Picturing Recovery

Metaphors for Recovery

Identity & Goal Setting

Stress Management

Exploring Exercise and Brain Chemistry

Nurturing the Spiritual Side

Boundaries

Images of Eating Disorders & Recovery

Assertiveness

Media Influence

Reaching Our Goals

Barriers & Motivators

Inspiration for Recovery

Limiting Beliefs

Challenging Your Limiting Beliefs

The Journey to Recovery

Sharing NEDA learning

2009-09-14T15:47:00.000-07:00

There is so much I learned at the NEDA 09 conference it is hard to know where to begin in sharing all of the information I gathered. So, I'll just share the papers that are on top of the stack of information I gathered, none is necessarily more important than another. It is all urgent, as we need to work quickly to find causes and better treatments for these life altering disorders.

Mainly I gained HOPE. Hope that full recovery is possible for all people affected by eating disorders. I have my Hope glass stone on my desk to remind me every day that it isn't just the name of my business - it is a real concept!

I met researchers from UCSD who are doing research studies that they need volunteers for. That is good news for those of you looking for no cost family therapy for teens with Anorexia Nervosa.

I'll be tweeting about this and their program seeking women recovered from Anorexia or Bulimia Nervosa. You could receive up to $1200 for completing brain imaging scans and assessments.

Give them a call or email: 858-534-8062 or edresearch@ucsd.edu The people at University of California, San Diego Medical Center will answer your questions.

Now back to organizing all of my new contacts that I made. Feel free to contact me - that will free me up to finish the book.

Another Resource for Eating Disorders

2009-08-10T08:43:00.000-07:00

Just back from the eWomenNetwork conference in Dallas. Wow, what amazing women I met! So inspiring and hope creating. I made some great connections with women who are making a difference in the lives of those living with eating disorders. Can't wait to share with you the positive outcomes of these new relationships. I know we'll be collaborating to bring more resources to families impacted by eating disorders.

Speaking of resources, I just read on PR web about the Kartini Clinic in Portland, OR. So fun as I just had read about it in Laura Collins book: Eating With Your Anorexic and now I saw this article. Must be something I need to know about and would like to share with you. Here is the link to the article: http://www.prweb.com/releases/2009/08/prweb2721574.htm
And here is the basic information about Kartini Clinic:
The Kartini Clinic for Disordered Eating in Portland, Oregon was founded in 1998 by Dr. Julie O'Toole in the knowledge that parents don't cause eating disorders and children don't choose to have them. Kartini Clinic serves children and young adults, aged 6 to 22, with all forms of disordered eating. For a free consultation with our intake coordinator, please call 503 249 8851, or visit our web site at kartiniclinic.com.

Do you care about someone with an eating disorder?

2009-08-04T14:36:00.000-07:00

If you love, care about or know someone well who is in recovery from an eating disorder you may be feeling helpless, overwhelmed, afraid, upset, and more. There is so little that loved ones can do at times.

This is your gentle summer reminder to take good care of yourself. It may seem selfish and counter intuitive but it is of higher moral ground to practice extreme self care.

Have you made your top 10 list yet? If you don't know what I'm talking about I'll fill you in. When I was at the beginning of learning how to be an effective parent of someone with an eating disorder I had a pastor who gave me one of the best pieces of advice I've ever gotten. She said I needed to no only practice this extreme self care but I needed to make a TOP 10 List of things that fill me up. This seemed so greedy and selfish to me at that point, but I get it now. It's that old oxygen mask theory, if you don't have yours on, you can't care for another.

So, you out there, making sure someone else's needs are being taken care of...it's time. So get out the prettiest paper you have and make a list of things you love to do, that fill you up. And then...do at least one EVERY DAY. Yes, every day. This will fill your cup back up and make you an even better care giver.

It might seem such a small thing to do but it is essential. If you are burned out, you will be of no use to your loved one. They need you, and they need you to be strong. So, do the right thing and go fill yourself up!

Eating disorders can destroy relationships as well as lives - do your part to preserve your sanity and health so that you can actively preserve the relationship. That doesn't mean it is going to be all wine and roses, but you can do your best to show the person in recovery that they are loved. Not an easy task with someone who often thinks they are unloveable.

Abonormal Brain Circuitry may Cause Anorexia

2009-07-30T06:40:00.000-07:00

What? Could this be the evidence we need to increase understanding that people don't choose to have eating disorders and can't just stop? The online journal, Nature Reviews Neuroscience published this latest find which may give more understanding to why people develop anorexia and it's behaviors.

Thanks to Dr. Walter Kaye and his colleagues at UCSD and the research they have done at the Eating Disorders Program we have another insight into this deadly disease. As any family who has lived with this frightening disease knows; anorexia has the highest death rate of any psychiatric condition. It's hard to believe but there still are few effective treatments for anorexia. This research suggests that people with anorexia have an imbalance in brain circuitry that regulates emotions and rewards. Hopefully this will give insights for those who are challenged in experiencing pleasure, worry a lot and tend to be perfectionists.

Let's hope that this will give us some more effective treatments for anorexia! So good to see more and more research happening for all of these disorders that are not only deadly but also destroy families.

Read more about the research on this area of the brain called the anterior insula and the role it plays in how people are aware of their internal body signals. www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Also, don't forget that all are welcome to the NEDA Conference in Minneapolis, MN in September. Check that out too on the website www.nationaleatingdisoders.org I'm on the host committee and look forward to meeting you and sharing secrets to our fun cities.

Research May Help Understanding Biological Basis of Eating Disorders

2009-07-29T14:02:00.000-07:00

As I'm completing the book for families - check out the website for new chapters being added regularly - I'm excited to see new research that might help promote more understanding of the biological basis of eating disorders.

Exciting news from John's Hopkins University School of Medicine with research into changes in brain receptors with certain foods. These research results have implications for understanding bulimia and other binge eating disorders (BED). I'm so excited to hear this as there seems to be so little research on these two eating disorders in general and it seems we hear more about anorexia even though bulimia and BED are much more common.

Check out the article to learn more about the findings on the opioid receptor levels: http://www.genengnews.com/news/bnitem.aspx?name=59035065

Also, don't forget to sign up for the NEDA Conference in September here in Minneapolis! www.nationaleatingdisorders.org

Enjoy your summer!

Media Exposure

2009-07-14T11:33:00.000-07:00

Check out Cheryl Dellasega's blog at Everything Ophelia (http://everythingophelia.blogspot.com/2009/06/role-models-three-sisters-use-their.html). Just read her great post about the Three Sister's band that is doing great things in the world. The part I'm most excited about is the media exposure. They are trying to make a difference in what young kids see that can lead them to have poor body image, which we know can lead to eating disorders.

I'm really busy finishing the book for families, just finished Kitty Westin's chapter. As soon as the preliminary editing is done I'll add that to the list of chapters that can be purchased on my website. I hope you are finding those chapters helpful to you as you navigate your family through an eating disorder.

Enjoy the band Three Sisters too!

New Anorexia Research

2009-06-24T07:56:00.000-07:00

I find it encouraging to see new research coming out about eating disorders. It gives me hope that there will someday be a cure. For the meantime, it gives me hope because I know that there is actually some money being spent on research on eating disorders. That is so important, given the high mortality rate with eating disorders and the lives that are destroyed even when people are able to stay alive.

Check out the press release on the latest research on Anorexia:

Marking anorexia with a brain protein

A biomarker for anorexia?

Eating disorders are frequently seen as psychological or societal diseases, but do they have an underlying biological cause? A new study shows that the levels of a brain protein differ between healthy and anorexic women.

Anorexia is a serious and occasionally fatal eating disorder most commonly affecting women. Scientists do not yet understand the physical causes of anorexia, though some studies suggest a link to low levels of a brain protein called BDNF. Now, a study recommended by Cynthia Bulik, a member of Faculty of 1000 Medicine and leading expert in the field of psychiatry and eating disorders, shows that BDNF levels are higher in women who have recovered from anorexia. This suggests that low BDNF levels may be reversible.

Researchers at Chiba University in Japan found that anorexic women had lower levels of BDNF in their blood than healthy women or those who had recovered from anorexia. Women with low BDNF also had the lowest self-image, suffered from anxiety and depression, and performed poorly on certain tests of cognitive ability.

Further study is needed to determine what role BDNF plays in anorexia, and if it can be used to predict the risk of developing it, but Bulik forecasts that "...BDNF may emerge as a useful biomarker of [anorexia] and of recovery from [anorexia]."

###

What to say to someone with an eating disorder

2009-06-16T14:24:00.000-07:00

Where do I begin? There is so much I could say about our culture, how we find it perfectly okay to make comments about another's appearance when we greet them. I really want to get to the point today and give you some really concrete language to remind yourself and your friends and family to use when talking with a loved one in eating disorder recovery.

You may have been told by care providers: Don't mention his/her appearance. WAAAYYY easier said than done, I know. But it is essential. Why, you ask? Well, basically if you say something like, "You look so healthy." The eating disorder that is the powerful force that has inhabited your loved one is going to hear: "You are fat, you have gained so much weight, you fat pig." I know, this sounds incredible, but it is true.

So, again, the skills build on one another. If we can stick with keeping our loved one and the eating disorder separate, then we can know that it will be the eating disorder, not our loved one who hears something negative and destructive.

In interviewing Kitty Westin yesterday to write her story for my upcoming book for families, by families: Just Tell Her To Stop: Families Surviving the Crisis of an Eating Disorder–Moving From Fear To Hope (new working title), she shared a story with me that she heard from another family. Kitty hears from families all over the country about their challenges with eating disorders and she had such wisdom to share with me and this person about what to say when a well meaning friend or family member makes a comment about the appearance of our loved one in eating disorder recovery. This woman, I'll call her Jane, shared with Kitty that her close friend was so happy to see that Jane's daughter had gained some weight during her treatments for anorexia. She came into their home and saw Jane's daughter and proclaimed, "Oh, wow, you're getting a girlish figure again!" Now this friend, really was happy and so glad to see this progress towards reclaimed health, she meant no harm. But, it was very damaging to Jane's daughter.

Kitty's words of wisdom were for Jane to go to her daughter in private and ask her, "What did your eating disorder hear when my friend said that?" Then listen to the horrific lies the eating disorder told her. Ask what else was heard. Then ask, "What do you know that she meant?" LISTEN AGAIN. Then ask what she needs to do to take care of herself. Remind her that the stronger voice needs to be heard. Also remind her that the comment gave the eating disorder more ammunition.

Looks easy on paper, but it is harder to do in the moment. Especially when your heart stops and your mind races to thoughts of years of more therapy to cancel out that one comment.

We'll never be able to train all of our family, friends and neighbors about what to say. So it is about empowering the person in recovery to take back her power from the eating disorder.

I'd love to hear how you have found effective ways of coping with unintentionally destructive comments.

What does "Using Symptoms" mean?

2009-06-12T07:26:00.000-07:00

One of my editors for my book for families: Just Tell Her To Stop; Stories of Families Moving From Fear and Panic to Peace and Hope (working title), questioned my use of the phrase "Using Symptoms" yesterday. I have become so accustomed to the phrase that I didn't realize that not all readers might know what it means.

It is important for family members of people with eating disorders and also health care providers who treat people with eating disorders to understand how their language may impact the use of symptoms.

My understanding of using symptoms is an unhealthy way of coping with stress for people in eating disorder recovery. What this means very simply is: when a person with the eating disorder is feeling stressed, overwhelmed, lame, worthless, guilty, basically feeling badly about themselves or something they did or didn't do; they may fall into their pattern of utilizing ineffective behaviors to cope.

What can this look like? I don't want to get into too much detail here because some people who are still struggling may see these things I say as a "trigger" (which is another term to learn about another day), so I don't want to be the cause of more destructive behavior, therefore will keep this simple, general and brief. If you want to know more we can talk about it but I don't want to put triggering information out here in this cache to be here forever. For those supporting people in recovery, it will be helpful to know that "using symptoms" for the person in recovery can mean that they will skip eating, purge, eat or do whatever it is that they do to utilize their destructive behaviors to calm themselves.

An example of how language of a care provider or family or friend might trigger the "use of symptoms" could be saying simply: "You look so healthy, it looks like you are getting better." It sounds so positive and encouraging doesn't it? Well, to a person in recovery this is what they might hear when you say that: "You are so big." "You are fat." "You need to cut back on calories so you can get back to being thinner." "You've failed at even your eating disorder and now you are too big." Sounds irrational. Well, that's one irrational way that eating disorders impact people. Staying away from comments about appearance and food are essential. AND, I know that it is extremely hard to do. And, there is not much you can do as a family when loved ones come over who haven't seen your person in recovery for a long time and they burst forth with what they think is a compliment: "Oh, you look so great!" AAAarrrrggg, you think, all that therapy, undone in one fell swoop. Hopefully not, but if you can educate your doctors, nurses, social workers, teachers, family, friends...send them to this article so that they can understand the gravity and impact of their words. This is a concept that can be challenging for people to grasp and they might think that they are having to tiptoe around the person in recovery. Well, it might feel like tiptoeing but, it's better than attending a funeral. Once people understand how great the negative impact can be, then they will be more likely to heed your advice.

For health care providers this can be a huge challenge as weighing is such a major part of our typical medical checkups. There are ways to weigh people without informing them of their weight, this is essential for people who are in recovery and often it would be useful for teens and pre-teens who are very sensitive about their size.

Hope Network Programs and Services

2009-05-21T12:35:00.000-07:00

With springtime in the air and swimsuit season approaching it is once again a tough time of year for those in recovery from eating disorders. One thing that often helps people get beyond those negative messages can be to have a list posted on your bathroom mirror with 30 positive things about yourself. Give it a try, you might need help from others to get ideas, but I bet you can think of at least 5 right away.

Today you get to see a video of me talking about what programs and services Hope Network currently has.

I'll be posting this on my website soon, take a look at the new chapters that will be available there next week.

Enjoy your weekend and be thankful for all that is good in your life.

National Eating Disorders Conference

2009-05-11T16:33:00.000-07:00

Here is an opportunity for families, treatment providers and health and education professionals to come together to learn from one another.

The Annual NEDA Conference is the only event of its kind designed to address the needs of families, those affected by eating disorders including anorexia, bulimia or binge eating. The agenda also includes sessions for families, treatment providers and health and educational professionals. Perhaps most importantly, it’s a chance to come together to meet others, share stories and foster connections in a warm, welcoming environment.

September 10-12, Minneapolis, MN
Reshaping Our Future:
A Vision for Recovery, Research, Attitudes and Action!

That's all for today. More information coming soon about next 10-Week Family Course.

Weightism and judgment

2009-04-26T09:33:00.000-07:00

I've been talking a lot lately to people about weightism. What is that you say? Well, in my basic translation it means, judgment about people based on their weight/size. As I'm interviewing people for the book to help families through their journey with eating disorders I'm hearing some really sad and unbelievable stories. One woman, who has binge eating disorder told me about her visit to her gynecologist for her annual exam. As she is having her exam (a very vulnerable position for any of us) the doctor decides to talk with her about her obesity, she is self-described as "morbidly obsese." The doctor says, "You know, if you want to lose weight, you should move to Asia as they don't have these disgusting obesity problems there." You can read the rest of her story in the upcoming book temporarily titled: "Navigating the rough waters of an ED; A Guide from Fear and Panic to Peace and Hope" (temp working title).

What exactly this "doctor" was hoping to achieve besides belittling and berating this woman is unclear. What is clear to me is a serious lack of training and a serious problem with prejudice against large people by the medical profession. That is just one of the reasons I am working with a coalition that has developed a healthy weight curriculum for all medical care providers to take to receive their CME credits. One of our goals is to bring this into medical schools so that future health care providers at least have clue as to how to treat people with respect. As you can see I am quite passionate about some changes that need to be made in the medical profession when it comes to eating disorders. Many aren't even aware that binge eating disorder is even a recognized eating disorder much less being aware that is the most prevalent of all the eating disorders.

I just read a wonderful article on about a beautiful singer named Susan Boyle that demonstrates our society's acceptance of weightism. I think Sherry Nau says it quite well.

Susan Boyle is a lesson for those who make quick judgments

Sherry Nau • guest essayist • April 26, 2009

The sudden rise to fame of Susan Boyle, the talented woman discovered on the show, Britain's Got Talent, highlights the ongoing objectification and stereotypes of women.

Consider the responses of the judges who described her as "the biggest surprise ever in the three-year history of the show," and admitted "everyone was against you." Why was she a surprise? Why did everyone think she couldn't sing?

The answer lies in the use of women in the media whose bodies are used to sell everything from liquor to fishing lures. In ads women are pictured in sexualized dress and positions. The women are perfect with no wrinkles, no blemishes, and certainly no bulges.

The message is clear: "These are women every other woman should aspire to resemble."

Trying to achieve the ultimate body comes at a cost to both girls and women. It is estimated that 7 million Americans have an eating disorder, and 1 in 200 American women suffers from anorexia. The occurrence of eating disorders in young girls has also increased as they feel pressured by friends and the media (Consider Hannah Montana — a size 4) who set the expectation that beautiful is thin and perfect. In a 2003 review it was found that 40 percent of newly identified cases of anorexia are in girls 15-19 years old.

CNN opened their story of Susan Boyle by describing her as "frumpy."

How inspiring it would have been if the story began, "A beautiful woman's song wins the hearts of many."
Nau is adjunct professor, University of Rochester, Warner School

Thank you Sherry for your valuable insights.

Eating disorders and healthy weight

2009-04-17T07:38:00.000-07:00

I read a great article today in the San Diego State University's Independent Student Newspaper you can read it here: http://www.thedailyaztec.com/health/eating-disorders-not-obvious-1.1651080

I love that the writer, Rachel Calkins, points out something that so many people, including way too many medical professionals, do not know: many people with eating disorders are of a healthy weight.

Being of a healthy weight can be true for people with all eating disorders: BED - Binge Eating Disorder (by the way, the most common of all eating disorders), AN - Anorexia Nervosa, EDNOS- Eating Disorders Not Otherwise Specified and BN - Bulimia Nervosa. I get very frustrated when I hear people say: "Well, he/she doesn't look like she/he has an eating disorder." Would you say that about someone with cancer? Especially if you are a medical care provider, it is essential information. You cannot tell if someone has an eating disorder by looking at them and making comments about their size only exacerbates the problems they are dealing with.

I especially like that Rachel points out the seriousness of eating disorders and touches on some of the devastating effects they can cause to the body. I'm posting the great diagram here from the US Dept. of Health and Human Services that demonstrates some of bulimia's effects on the body.

I am glad to see large Universities taking these illnesses seriously and allowing astute writers such as Rachel to publish such important articles. It's time to get rid of the stigma and start helping people.

following eating disorders blogs

2009-04-16T15:42:00.000-07:00

Update, I figured out how to follow some of my favorite blogs including some great eating disorders prevention/treatment blogs. I'm embarrassed that it took me so long to figure out the easy way to do it, but am glad I persevered. Which is what people with eating disorders continue to do every day, keep on keeping on. One day at a time. Take little steps.

For today my mantra is: Inch by inch, life's a cinch, Yard by yard; life is hard.

Enjoy checking out: http://stopeatingdisorders.com/ and www.freedfoundation.org/blog/home.php

Both are great resources for anyone affected by eating disorders.

Watch for information on fall retreat to Tucson, AZ! Also, more book chapters coming soon. Watch for details of next in person course: Parents of kids with eating disorders 10-week class coming late spring to Eden Prairie, MN at Intentional Serenity new headquarters. Watch website and blog for more info.

Teens - Self Esteem and Substance Abuse

2009-04-09T08:44:00.000-07:00

Parents, I'm looking for what you want to know about helping prevent substance abuse in your teens as well as boosting their self-esteem.

Please let me know what you would like to hear. I'll be speaking this fall in my local school district on the topic of self-esteem and how it relates to substance abuse. I would like to know what you are looking for as a parent of a teen/pre-teen.

Thanks,
Becky
Becky@hopenetwork.info

Portion of Chapter from Book - Perfectionism

2009-03-31T08:21:00.000-07:00

From time to time I'll be posting a portion of a chapter from the book as I'm writing it, these will be in no particular order, the editors will get to choose that. I look forward to hearing your comments.

The current working title is:
Just Tell Her To Stop; Stories of Families Thriving Through the Crisis of An Eating Disorder

CH # __- Perfectionism
A Heartwarming Story of Recovery and Survival - Stacy's story

When Stacy was thirteen, it was during her month-long August visit to her father's home that anorexia got a strong hold on her and took over completely. As soon as she arrived back home just before school began, her mom knew right away what was going on. In spite of getting medical help immediately, it still took ten years of her life away from her. As a thirty-something recovered person, Stacy wanted to make sure you hear what didn't work because she feels that is much more helpful than the clinical information in a textbook. Here is the story of the smartest, sweetest, prettiest and most popular girl in school who was also the best in choir and all of the many clubs she participated in.

Stacy’s Story
Gazing out over the azure-colored sea should have been calming and enjoyable. The blue ripples of water crashed against the shore in a rhythmic motion, and relaxing seemed to be the order of the day on our family vacation to the tropics. I could see my family beginning to unwind and thaw out from our freezing Minnesota winter as we sat in our comfy lounge chairs by the pool overlooking the sea. All I could think about, or I should say, all my eating disorder would let me think about–was food. I couldn't escape it, the anorexia had followed me on our vacation and would steal the precious relaxing moments from me.
Worrying about the next meal, the only thing on my mind was, "Oh no, I have to face food again, I cannot control this anxiety, but I can control what I put into my mouth." How did this happen to me? I hope they don't say anything to me as I push my food around on my plate. Maybe they will be busy enjoying themselves and won't notice. Part of me hopes they will confront me so I can get rid of this cruel best friend I've named “Ed,” “Bully” (when it switched over to bulimia), and “IT.”

Always the perfect little girl, and out of the six kids in our family, I gave my parents the least amount of trouble–that is until Ed showed up. I got good grades, had friends, and didn't try drinking like most teens. My dad is an alcoholic and even at age ten, I was able to connect the dots that I shouldn't drink as a way to control my anxieties, as I would probably follow in his footsteps.

As a quiet ten year old, I knew better than to say anything about the unspoken tension in the house as my parents’ marriage began deteriorating. I just kept doing everything really well–perfect, actually. In fact, I was a normal pre-teen girl who had an emotional issue I needed to deal with, and that was the result of never hearing that the marriage problems weren’t my fault. As is typical with kids, I blamed myself for the failing marriage. The self-blame led to a need to feel control and power, and I used the eating disorders symptoms to accomplish this. That’s when Ed came into my life and I began to abuse food as a way of coping...

If you'd like to see more of this or other chapters take a look at the website where you can purchase one or more chapters for only $9. www.hopenetwork.info

Book Chapter Coming Soon

2009-03-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

Watch here for chapters of my upcoming book. I'll be posting chapters for you to read as they are written. Some changes will happen after the editors get their eyes on them but for the most part this is the essence of the book. I've done 19 interviews so far and am writing as much as possible.

I'll be having a contest for best title in the coming weeks so look for that too. Right now the working title is still something like:
Just Tell Her To Stop; Real Tools, Resources and Hope when Loving Someone With an Eating Disorder

Comments are welcome. I am somewhat concerned about "Just Tell Her To Stop" being offensive, but I think most people will get it that being told that is crazy and unhelpful and we've all been told that at one point, which is the point. Hopefully this book will guide people to share with their friends, family, co-workers that it isn't that simple, we cannot just tell an addict to simply stop. If it was that easy, there wouldn't be so many people living with addicitions.

If you have trouble viewing the Retreat Information in the previous post just double click on it and you'll get a larger version. If you still cannot see it then go to Monte Nido's website and you'll be able to find the information from Carolyn Costin.

Nourishing Training Opportunity for Care Providers

2009-03-27T09:55:00.000-07:00

Care Providers: Nourish your mind this September in Hawaii while you add more skills for treating your clients with eating disorders. Carolyn Costin of Monte Nido is leading a Retreat for Professionals in the Eating Disorder & Body Image Field. See the attached flyer.

It will be a tough choice to attend this or the NEDA Conference here in Minneapolis, MN as these are at the same time.

Shame, Denial, Guilt and the media

2009-03-24T06:54:00.000-07:00

So, as a parent of someone in eating disorder recovery how often are you feeling like you must have done something wrong in your parenting? How useful is that?

In interviewing a woman in eating disorder recovery for my book for families I learned some interesting lessons about parental Shame, Denial and Guilt. This woman works in the chemical dependency world as well as being in eating disorder recovery herself. She told me how surprised she was that a parent once told her how responsible she felt for giving her child the genes that may have contributed to the child's eating disorder. From the perspective of a chemical dependency professional she was shocked that this mom felt so much control over her child.

Is it control or is it love? A parent I know who has been through al-anon for her son's drug addiction told me that she learned this: Ask once, it's love. Ask twice, it's control. That's an eye opener for parents.

What if we as parents were to let go of feeling guilty or responsible for our children's eating disorders and let them do their recovery and just loved them? What would be available to us then?

This brings me to the media part of the title of today's post. What if we didn't do anything wrong and our kids got some twisted messages from the media that pulled the trigger of the gun that was loaded by their genes?

Take a look at the Dove campaign for real beauty video about the twisted messages the media is giving us: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hibyAJOSW8U

Take a deep breath and let go of the Shame, Denial and Guilt and spend the energy loving yourself and your child/husband/friend/co-worker/son/daughter in recovery.

Families who love someone in recovery

2009-03-06T08:21:00.000-08:00

My new tentative book title is: Just tell her to stop; Real Stories, hope and help while loving someone in eating disorder recovery

As I am interviewing people for my book, both family members and those who are themselves in recovery I am hearing from those in recovery how important the support and ongoing love from their family and friends has been. Those who are still in the thick of it and those who are years out and living lives free of ED's grasp (many refer to their eating disorder as ED) all tell me that knowing how much someone or somepeople loved them and cared about them helped them keep fighting.

So many family members tell me how frustrated they are that there is seemingly nothing that they can do to help their loved one in recovery to "get better". I hope it helps to know that by simply telling your loved one how much you care and that you believe in them that it makes a difference. I know it may seem like a small thing but when I hear people say that they didn't take their own life (which they were seriously contemplating due to the pain) because they knew it would be so painful for someone who loved them, then it is clear that simply loving someone and letting them know how important they are in your life makes a difference.

In the meanwhile, when you aren't busy telling your loved one in eating disorders recovery how much you care about them...there are other things you can do to take care of yourself. I feel like a broken record sometimes but it is so essential when you care about someone with an addiction that you "put on your oxygen mask first." Whether you care about a person with an eating disorder, alcoholism, drug addiction or another addiction it is imperative to take care of yourself. So, my big tip for the day is: go check out some al-anon meetings. I know it might sound a bit crazy to go to one of those and listen to people talk about their loved one who drinks when you have a child/husband/friend/etc. with an eating disorder. But what do you have to lose but some sleepless nights and a whole lot of worrying. I'm planting this seed now and it may take a while to germinate in you but when you are feeling frustrated and hopeless, pull this crazy idea out of the back of your head and get yourself to an al-anon meeting and see what shows up. It might just give you incredible freedom or peace or joy or the permission to think about something fun instead of: "Will so and so ever get better?" I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Feel free to comment.

Hearing Joe Kelly - Dads and Daughters speak during National Eating Disorders Awareness week was a highlight. Check out his website and blogs:
http://blog.thedadman.com
http://thedadman.com/
http://www.dadsanddaughters.blogspot.com/

Eating Disorders Awareness Week Events

2009-02-26T08:28:00.000-08:00

Are you looking for events to attend for National Eating Disorders Awareness Week?

TODAY - Thursday February 26th, 2009
At the St. Louis Park City Offices, MN
4pm - CST
Diann Ackerd, PhD, LP, FAED - A Licensed Psychologist in private practice, will be speaking on Prevention
Nancy Royce of the Search Institute will be speaking on Critical Thinking Skills

Friday, February 27th, 2009
Methodist Hospital, St. Louis Park, MN
HVC Room
6-8pm CST
Joe Kelly, Author and Parent, keynote speaker, Advocate for Girls
Becky Henry, Author and Parent - breakaway session - Perspectives on Reacting to your Childs Eating Disorders

Friday February 27th, 2009
NYC
Pace University
7pm EST

A quick reminder that the National Eating Disorders Association will be screening "Swept" as a part of their NEDAwareness Week on February 26th, 2009. The event will start at 7pm and will feature "Swept" and documentary entitled "Beauty Mark" which explores the descent and reemergence of a world class athlete from anorexia and exercise addiction. The screenings will be followed by a panel discussion lead by eating disorder expert Sondra Kronberg MS, RD, CDN. The event will be held at Pace University (1 Pace Plaza) in lower Manhattan (near City Hall).

If you are planning attend please RSVP to nyfilm@myneda.org. Attendees will need to clear security to enter the Pace Facility. NEDA will provide Pace with an RSVP guest list--which will facilitate faster entrance to the event. All guests are asked to bring a photo ID.

Thanks again,

Stephanie Schweitzer
sweptfilms@hotmail.com
(917) 847-6675
www.sweptfilms.com

Again, if you are looking for more events go to:
www.NationalEatingDisorders.org

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week

2009-02-24T09:36:00.000-08:00

National Eating Disorders Awareness Week – 2009

I’m back to the frozen tundra we like to call Minnesota after a week sojourn to warmer climes. Good for the soul and the frozen fingers to take some time to simply BE. As I am always telling my coaching clients, “You cannot pour from an empty cup. Fill yourself up.” I’m always reminded when I fly and those flight attendants tell us to “put your oxygen mask on first.” We must do that with ourselves always but especially when we have a loved one who is recovering from an eating disorder.

I’m so excited that it is once again NEDAW – National Eating Disorders Awareness Week! Each year this event raises more awareness and funding for life-saving programs that help people in their recovery.

There are numerous events taking place both Nationally and here in the Twin Cities. A simple google search “NEDA events” with your town or city will help you find some near you. I’ll be doing a family breakout session on perspectives for the family member at Methodist Hospital this Friday February 27th from 6-8pm. I’ll post more information prior to the event.

A special event should you be near NYC this week:

A quick reminder that the National Eating Disorders Association will be screening "Swept" as a part of their NEDAwareness Week on February 26th, 2009. The event will start at 7pm and will feature "Swept" and documentary entitled "Beauty Mark" which explores the descent and reemergence of a world class athlete from anorexia and exercise addiction. The screenings will be followed by a panel discussion lead by eating disorder expert Sondra Kronberg MS, RD, CDN. The event will be held at Pace University (1 Pace Plaza) in lower Manhattan (near City Hall).

If you are planning attend please RSVP to nyfilm@myneda.org. Attendees will need to clear security to enter the Pace Facility. NEDA will provide Pace with an RSVP guest list--which will facilitate faster entrance to the event. All guests are asked to bring a photo ID.
Thanks again,
Stephanie
www.sweptfilms.com
www.36-24-36nyc.com

Watch for more events and more NEDAW information this week!
Becky

Help for Families living with an Eating Disorder

2009-02-09T20:20:00.000-08:00

If you are living with or care about someone who has an eating disorder, chances are you are worried about them. As a coach who helps the "Invisible People" affected by eating disorders, meaning the family, friends and co-workers I hear a lot of stories about the pain and stress that comes with not being able to help them. I'm always advocating for those of you to take care of yourselves so you can be the best support person.

Here is a workshop that might assist with re-energizing and de-stressing.

Saturday February 28th - 9:30- noon
Great River Healing Arts Center
2388 University Ave West
St. Paul, MN

$35
Led by Cindy Schultz, MA, LP
and
Stephanie Ross, MA
http://www.seekinnerwisdom.com
Cindy Schultz
cindy@seekinnerwisdom.com
612-701-5574

If you cannot attend but want more ideas for your own self care while your loved one is in recovery contact me.

Happy Valentines Month!

2009-02-06T06:21:00.000-08:00

The month of LOVE. What a lot of people aren't realizing is that we need to first love ourselves and then loving others and accepting the love of others becomes much easier. I have noticed that a lot of people with eating disorders are very challenged in loving themselves. It's as if the eating disorder is this cruel best friend who says: you don't deserve love from anyone, not even from yourself! Yikes! How sad is that?

One trick to try and override this evil best friend can be to ask some people around you to give you some comments on what they think about you and even to ask: Please tell me how you love me because I'm not feeling very loveable right now. Then, and this is the trickiest part, ALLOW yourself to take in those loving comments. Even if you have to act "as if" you believe them. The people who are saying those wonderful things about you really mean them, it's just that the little evil friend doesn't want you to hear them because that will take away it's power.

Another trick in taking away some of that nasty eating disorder's power is to write a list of 10-30 things about yourself that are positive (get assistance if you need to) and then go look into a mirror and say all of those things to yourself. Yes, I'm serious. Daily even. Most people spend their days making negative comments to themselves, (noticing these is also a very effective tool) and if we can counter all the negative comments with the positive we will eventually start to feel better about ourselves.

During this month of love, even if you don't have a special someone, try loving yourself! Especially when you see all the crazy advertisements this time of the year for the New Years Resolution diets. Remember, diets don't work. Diets can contribute to eating disorders. So when you see those ads, remember to tell yourself you deserve better, you are an amazing person who deserves love.

Let me know if you try the exercises and if you find them helpful. Simple as they sound they could save your life. Eating disorders are the most deadly of all mental illnesses and need to be taken seriously. Loving yourself can be one tool in your belt to help fight it.

To love and life!

Eating Disorders Family Stories

2009-01-19T11:00:00.000-08:00

Here is my bio from my book page on my website: www.hopenetwork.info. If you would like to share your story ANONYMOUSLY with me to help other families let me know.

Becky Henry, CPCC is a Coach, Author, Workshop Leader and Speaker. She is currently working on a book for families living with the crisis of an eating disorder to help release them from fear and panic and reclaim peace and calm. Becky is passionate about empowering families with tools to reclaim their finances, relationships, careers and lives that have been seriously impacted by an eating disorder.

Temporary Title: Navigating the rough waters of an ED; A Guide from Fear and Panic to Peace and Hope

Currently Becky is welcoming stories for the book to highlight key points. If you know anyone who has lived with the crisis of an eating disorder and may want to anonymously share their story please have them contact Becky Henry at: 952-451-5663 or at Becky@HopeNetwork.info.

Key Points that the stories will highlight:

(Both the successes and the non-successes) around these points:

Effect of ED on stress level and layers such as memory
Keeping track of notes from care providers.
Secondary losses that ED took away from your family
How did you care for yourself?
What were your skills in letting the ED be your loved one’s problem?
Effects on partnership/marriages
Role of friends
Role of extended family
Productive and unproductive coping mechanisms
Asking for help
Finding competent care providers
What kept you going?
Insurance stories - the good, bad and the ugly
What was your lowest point?
Silver linings that came of your journey with an eating disorder

Interviews with Becky will be recorded on FreeConferenceCall.com, names will be changed as there is still so much stigma with these illnesses and the stories are so personal. Each person will need to sign a release.

This is your chance to have some of the challenges you have lived through make a difference in the life of another family faced with a similar situation. Also, if you know of media outlet connections and would like to support this book by connecting me with them that is most appreciated too. Together we can make a difference for all of us who are living with these devastating disorders in our families. When the days get rough as you face the sadness of having a loved one living with an eating disorder, remember: EXTREME SELF CARE! It's essential for those who are not only caregivers but for all who care about people who have an eating disorder.

New Year's and eating disorders

2009-01-06T14:31:00.000-08:00

Having survived (if you are reading this) the holiday season, first congratulate yourself! You made it. Brutal is the word that comes to my mind when I think of the holiday season and eating disorders. However it went, you did come out the other side and that is a major accomplishment. If you suffer from an eating disorder or you have someone you care about who has one, it is a major feat to survive or even thrive through the season.

I received a great newsletter today from Byron Katie about releasing suffering. Very inspirational for me and I hope it will be for you. Take a look at Byron Katie’s link: http://byronkatieinternational.c.topica.com/maamHoHabM6H8cbFbyxbaehtUg/ to learn more about “the Work” she does. I wasn’t able to attend her fabulous sounding retreat but I did find that I was able to use her suggestions to release the hold I was allowing suffering to have on me.

Choice in how we react, we do have power over how we choose to react and what we choose to think about. Byron Katie’s work has helped me choose to let go of suffering. That is what coaching is about too, choosing what you want in your life. If you are looking for more of that call me or email me about one-on-one coaching. Together we can help you to let go of fear and panic and choose peace and joy!

Happy New Year!

Thanksgiving and eating disorders

2008-11-26T20:42:00.000-08:00

Thanksgiving has been said to be the most challenging holiday for people living with eating disorders. If you are looking to create a plan to navigate this difficult day The Center For Change has some ideas. Good luck and hopefully you can find something in the day to be thankful for.

Twelve Ideas to Help those with Eating Disorders Negotiate Thanksgiving and Christmas - Center for Change Inpatient Treatment Team; Compiled by Michael E. Berrett, Ph.D.

For most people, the Thanksgiving and Christmas holiday season is a wonderful time of year. It is often a time of family reunion and celebration, when families, friends, and co-workers come together to share good will and good food. The season is to be bright, happy, and full of the best parts of relationships. Yet, for women who suffer with eating disorders, this is the worst time of the year. For these people, trapped in the private hell of anorexia or severe bulimia, Thanksgiving and Christmas magnify all of their personal demons, causing them great internal pain and turmoil.

Eat regularly and in some kind of reasonable pattern. Avoid "preparing for the last supper." Don’t skip meals and starve in attempt to make up for what you recently ate or are about to eat. Keep a regular and moderate pattern.
Worry more about the size of your heart than the size of your hips! It is the holiday season, a great time to reflect, enjoy relationships with loved ones, and most importantly a time to feel gratitude for blessings received and a time to give back through loving service to others.
Discuss your anticipations of the holidays with your therapist, physician, dietitian, or other members of your treatment team so that they can help you predict, prepare for, and get through any uncomfortable family interactions without self destructive coping attempts.
Have a well thought out game plan before you go home or invite others into your home. Know "where the exits are," where your support persons are, and how you’ll know when it’s time to make a brief exit and get connected with needed support.
Talk with loved ones about important issues: decisions, victories, challenges, fears, concerns, dreams, goals, special moments, spirituality, relationships and your feelings about them. Allow important themes to be present and allow yourself to have fun rather than rigidly focusing on food or body concerns.
Choose, ahead of time, someone to call if you are struggling with addictive behaviors, or with negative thoughts, or difficult emotions. Call them ahead of time and let them know of your concerns, needs, and the possibility of them receiving a call from you.
If it would be a support or help to you, consider choosing one loved one to be your "reality check" with food, to either help plate up food for you, or to give you a reality check on the food portions which you dish up for yourself.
Write down your vision of where you would like your mind and heart to be during this holiday time with loved ones. Take time, several times per day, to find a quiet place to become in tune again with your vision, to remember, to nurture, and to center yourself into those thoughts, feelings, and actions which are congruent with your vision for yourself.
If you have personal goals for your time with loved ones during the holidays, focus the goals around what you would like to do. Make your goals about "doing something" rather than about trying to prevent something. If you have food goals, then make sure you also add personal emotional, spiritual, and relationship goals as well.
Work on being flexible in your thoughts. Learn to be flexible in guidelines for yourself, and in expectations of yourself and others. Strive to be flexible in what you can eat during the holidays. Take a holiday from self imposed criticism, rigidity, and perfectionism.
Stay active in your support group, or begin activity if you are currently not involved. Many support groups can be helpful. 12-step group, co-dependency group, eating disorder therapy group, neighborhood "Bunco" game group, and religious or spiritually oriented groups are examples of groups which may give real support. Isolation and withdrawal from positive support is not the right answer for getting through trying times.
Avoid "overstressing" and "overbooking" yourself and avoid the temptation and pattern of becoming "too busy." A lower sense of stress can decrease a felt need to go to eating disorder behaviors or other unhelpful coping strategies. Cut down on unnecessary events and obligations and leave time for relaxation, contemplation, reflection, spiritual renewal, simple service, and enjoying the small yet most important things in life. This will help you experience and enjoy a sense of gratitude and peace.

Center for Change Inpatient Treatment Team; Compiled by Michael E. Berrett, Ph.D.

eating disorders and other addictions

2008-11-22T11:26:00.000-08:00

According to Dr. Russel Marx, Princeton HealthCare System: Those with eating disorders at higher risk for substance abuse. In an article on Friday, November 21, 2008 1:21 PM EST he states, "Risk factors for eating disorders and substance abuse are strikingly similar". Not great news for parents who have a child living with an eating disorder. As parents living with this constant worry and fear that eating disorders bring on we all know, there usually isn't much good news. But, at least we can have a heads up from this information.

Dr Marx asks us to consider these statistics from a groundbreaking study released in 2003 by The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University:

• Individuals with eating disorders are up to five times more likely to abuse alcohol or illicit drugs.
*
• Those who abuse alcohol or illicit drugs are up to 11 times more likely to have eating disorders.

• Eating disorders occur in 5 to 10 million Americans, mostly girls and young women.

So, as parents or people who care about someone with an eating disorder what do we do with this information? Please share your ideas here. I cannot think of much besides:
1. Continue to practice "letting go with love"
2. Let your loved one's care providers know these stats
3. Have a conversation with your loved one stating that you are concerned

We would all like to hear if you have more suggestions for those of us who care about someone who has multiple addictions. I know Al-Anon is a great comfort to a lot of people, worth checking out if you are feeling consumed by worry about your loved one.

Dr. Russell Marx is a board-certified psychiatrist and medical director of the Eating Disorders Program at University Medical Center at Princeton. He also is the author of the book “It’s Not Your Fault: Overcoming Anorexia and Bulimia.”

Next week: how to handle Thanksgiving with your loved one who is living with an eating disorder...today, my best advice...move to Canada,they already had theirs. Humor is essential.

Holiday Survival for People with eating disorders

2008-11-11T09:30:00.000-08:00

My google alerts today brought an early holiday gift! The gift came in the form of some of the best tips I've seen so far for people who find the holiday season extremely challenging due to their eating disorders. These great tips come courtesy of; Cynthia Bulik, Ph.D., the William and Jeanne Jordan Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders in the UNC School of Medicine’s department of psychiatry and director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program. I have heard people say that Thanksgiving is the worst holiday of all due to the main focus on food. So, the best thing to do with a gift is to share it, so here you go! Thank you Cynthia and best of luck with your latest book, “Crave: Why you binge eat and how to stop”.

Many people equate the holidays with food – big meals equals big times. Americans, especially, attach a lot of social and personal value to what, and how, we eat, often through family rituals or attitudes. For many, family gatherings are positive events, but for the 9 million men, women or young people who have an eating disorder, the holidays, without proper planning, can feel like nightmares.

Three out of four American women have “disordered eating” behavior, and 10 percent have an eating disorder such as anorexia or bulimia nervosa or binge eating disorder, says Cynthia Bulik, Ph.D., the William and Jeanne Jordan Distinguished Professor of Eating Disorders in the UNC School of Medicine’s department of psychiatry and director of the UNC Eating Disorders Program. Her latest book, “Crave: Why you binge eat and how to stop,” is due out in early 2009.

If you have an eating disorder, plan ahead. Bulik and the UNC Eating Disorders team offer the following suggestions to navigate the food minefields of the holidays:

• Have a “wing man” – someone you trust to help run interference at family get-togethers or office parties. This should be someone who knows your triggers and can help distract you from temptations (or someone pushing your buttons), change the subject or assist you while you handle the stress.

• Make up a code signal or phrase with the wingman before going to the holiday party. If you start to feel overwhelmed give your friend the signal so that you can both step out of the room and they can offer you some support.

• Keep your support team on speed dial and call them at any time during or after a party. Talking relieves the pressure. You're not overburdening them. They will undoubtedly have stories to share, too.

• Potlucks are your friends. Don’t hesitate to take a food you prepared that feels safe enough to you so that you will have at least one manageable entrée.

• Lavish holiday spreads don’t have to be the enemy. If faced with one, channel your inner Boy Scout or Girl Scout skills and be prepared! Before stepping in line, and before getting a plate, evaluate the options. Mindfully consider which foods you'll sample, portion sizes and whether you feel comfortable trying a “feared food.” Make a decision and stick with it!

• If your treatment team has given you a meal plan stay on track so you aren't starving when you get there.The gift

• Listen with your heart, not your head. Hear the happiness and caring in a person’s tone when they tell you that you look “so much better.” They are saying they care about you. Don’t let the eating disorder lead you to misinterpret those words in a way that deprives you of hearing that people really care about you.

• Get Real! People too often have a fantasy about how “perfect” the holidays are going to be. When family members fail to live up to unrealistic expectations, it might be tempting to restrict or overeat in an effort to feel better temporarily. Try to anticipate some of the possible emotional traps in advance so you can cope (and maybe even laugh) when you encounter them.

• The well-known HALT slogan works for any type of recovery. Don't let yourself get too hungry, angry, lonely or tired. This is especially important over the holidays.

• 'Tis the Season to Forgive, so forgive yourself if you have an eating slip.

• Try your best not to skip appointments with your treatment team. It’s an important time to stay in touch with people who can help.

If you think you might have an eating disorder, the best first step is a comprehensive evaluation. For more information, call the UNC Eating Disorders Program at (919) 966-7012 or visit http://www.psychiatry.unc.edu/eatingdisorders

NEDA Charter Launch

2008-11-06T19:09:00.000-08:00

Here it is November In MN, getting cold and rainy and time to get to work for the NEDA (National Eating Disorders Association) Charter Launch that will happen on February 22nd at the State Capitol.

As a volunteer for the National Eating Disorder’s Association’s (NEDA) STAR program, (States for Treatment, Access and Research) I am working on a campaign to help launch the Worldwide Charter for Action on Eating Disorders, a patient’s bill of rights, in every state over the next year!

Today I am writing to ask for your help in connecting us with those; parents, support people and interested public, who may welcome an opportunity to participate in a brainstorming to share opinions and give us feedback on what they believe would be relevant issues to focus on... do they believe that we should focus on awareness, prevention and education? In MN we are fortunate that we already had parity before the National Bill was signed, so we find this a great opportunity to use this launch to support the most pressing aspects of eating disorders.

The Charter will serve as a tool to assist people with eating disorders and their loved ones in identifying high quality, appropriate services and practices, and to guide them in challenging unhelpful, outdated, and anti-therapeutic practices. This Charter will provide service planners and providers with the basic building blocks for quality program and service development.

Real people — individuals and families — are the strongest advocates for championing our cause. Together we hope to increase access to treatment for eating disorders by expanding insurance coverage, advocating for quality treatment, increasing public understanding of eating disorders and urging more funding for research.

If you or someone you know would like to share your feedback please send an email to Becky@HopeNetwork.info and we'll get your opinions.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Creating the Path to Wellness

Reasons For Recovery

Reasons For Recovery

February 1, 2012

Something You Get When You Recover From Your Eating Disorder That You Didn’t Even Know You Wanted

Love the Life You Lead

Jessica Setnick Blog Interview

Women over 50 and body image

Eating Disorders and the Holidays Guest Post on Pathways to Wholeness

Happy Winter's Solistice to you!

Janet Nestor, MA, LPC, DCEP of Mindful Pathways asked me to be her guest blogger for December. This is the blog post I shared on her site: http://mindfulpathways.com/ Her book is on special for the holidays for only $5.64!!

Back to wrapping gifts for me. Thanks for your comments and readership.

Eating Disorders and the Holidays

What is "drunkorexia" all about?

What Drunkorexia is Doing to College Students

What does it mean to live in a nation where one out of every three people is obese?

No More Stigma Around Eating Disorders

Eating Disorders and Older Women

Just Tell Her To Stop: Family Stories of Eating Disorders Chapter 4

Becky's Reply to Jess Weiner's Article In Glamour

How do I find balance when my child has an eating disorder?

Do you care about someone with an eating disorder?

Eating Disorders Advocacy and Authenticity

My Turn

Just Tell Her To Stop Wins National Book Award!

Back to blogging

http://amzn.to/kieUNG

Do Parents Cause Eating Disorders?

ANAD Eating Disorders Conference

Before I get onto the next topic that I committed to discuss here... I feel compelled to share the info on the 2011 ANAD conference in Chicago May 6th! Hope to see you all there!

Happy Halloween ~

ANAD 2011 Midwest Eating Disorders Conference

CEU’s will be offered. Registration begins in January 2011.

What to do if your child has an eating disorder

Tele-Class for Parents of a child with an Eating Disorder

Families and eating disorders recovery

Is Maudsley Family Based Therapy Still Obscure?

Feed Me!: We need more FBT therapists!

Eating disorders and tooth damage

Bulimia Research Study

Thank you Maudsley Parents for sharing this important information!

Eating Disorders Research

Bulimia Research Study

Peter McClellan Radio Show Interview

Beliefs

War on Obesity...not my choice of words

Links in posts

AOL Health Depression Article, Becky Henry and Eating Disorders

Celebrity Gossip mags & Eating Disorders

Living with Loss

Thank you Jenni Schaefer for this mother's day gift!

Eating Disorders Parent/Family/Friends Support

Oprah and Eating Disorders

FREED ACT Introduced to Senate

Caring for someone with an eating disorder

Media and Eating Disorders

Eating Disorders MN

Eating Disorders Parent Support in MN

How do I respond to my child's comments about her body?

Children and Eating Disorders

What is Orthorexia?

Education about Eating Disorders

Weightism...what's up?

Congrats Gabourey Sidibe

Do parents cause eating disorders?

Support for parents of kids with eating disorders

I blogged about this a couple of weeks ago but it bears repeating as this should be a great event for families to attend to get what they need to support them while they are caregiving their loved one with an eating disorder.

Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 10:00 am - 5 pm, The Lighthouse International Conference Center, 111 East 59th Street, New York, NY

Emily Program new facility in Orono?

Eating Disorders Family Support

What do parents of a child with an eating disorder need?

Messages to our First Lady

Eating Disorders Parent Support Group

Reaching Out Against Eating Disorders - ROAED

I am so happy to share with you this wonderful opportunity for families living with eating disorders! If you can be in the New York area on March 20th this looks to be a great opportunity to make your own - Journey To Hope

Here is their information:Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 10:00 am - 5 pm, The Lighthouse International Conference Center, 111 East 59th Street, New York, NY

Healthy Body Image, Eating, Fitness and Weight and NO DIETS?

Chapter 1 - An Unwilling Expert - Learning About Eating Disorders

Sharing Melissa's blog on family support

Language and Eating Disorders

Here is their information:
Saturday, March 20, 2010 at 10:00 am - 5 pm, The Lighthouse International Conference Center, 111 East 59th Street, New York, NY